Well, it is Thanksgiving. It has been a while since I have written anything. Lots has happened since I last wrote.
Darren and I took a marriage class at church and discovered so much about each other that we did not know or had forgotten. It really helped our marriage and our parenting. It is hard to believe that we have been together almost 10 years now. It seems so long, but so short too. We were reflecting this morning about what we have been through, three deaths, 2 major health scares with our family, 2 miscarriages, 2 kids, job changes, good and bad, not to mention the growing pains of our relationship. God has blessed us with each other. He makes me laugh just about every day. God knew I needed that!
In June, we had to put Granny into a memory care unit. She has a dramatic entrance. She fell and has 3 brain bleeds. She was in the hospital for a few days and went back with hospice. She did well, but her dementia progressed. In October she went to the hospital and had a UTI and Pneumonia. She had lots of agitation and returned to the memory care unit. She never recovered. She passed on October 15. It was a Tuesday. The process took quite a wile. Granny was always stubborn. I stayed Friday, Saturday and Sunday day and night. Monday I decided maybe she did not want me there. I went home and was so exhausted. Tuesday I had to take the kids to school and pick them up. I took them to my best friends house, and was going to go be with her. She died 2 minutes before I got there. I was so thankful that her suffering was finally over. I am a hospice nurse and I see people dying all the time, but sitting there with her was the hardest thing I have ever done. My mind was trying to put things in order and get things together for the funeral and all, but I was physically stuck in that room with her. Being a nurse, I hate to sit and not be able to fix it. It was excruciating.
Uncle Bill was at the house by himself when Granny moved. We were working on getting him into a assisted living. The first week of September, he has a small heart attack, and had to have a pacemaker placed because of a low heart rate. He went to a rehab facility and was there when Granny died. I know that it was very hard on him because he had lived with her his whole life and he was the definition of "Mamma's Boy". I also know it was hard for him to not get to be there. He moved to the same assisted living facility that Granny was at about a week ago. He is liking it so far. We are hoping that he will begin to feel at home. He still thinks he will get his driver's license back and get to move back "home" where ever that may be.
When Granny died, that put her assets into a cluster and they are to be put in a trust for Uncle Bill to help with his care. I have been going nuts trying to get things together for that. Still working on it. That is going to take some time. Not even mentioning the house that they lived in. That needs to be cleaned out and readied for sale. Don't exactly know when that will get done.
The kids are doing well, but are busy too. We have Tae Kwan Do 2 days a week and swimming class one day a week. With my schedule, I work on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday evenings, so I end up with only one free evening a week. Addy is having some difficulty with pronouncing some of her words and she is set to be evaluated by a speech therapist so who knows when that will fit in. Darren and I have been working lots so it is hard to get it all in!
Life keeps getting busier and busier. I don't thing it will get easier any time soon. I am just depending on God to help us get through it all.
Today on Thanksgiving, I am thankful for all the changes that have happened in my life recently. I know that God has used them to teach me lessons that I have needed to learn. I will continue to look to Him to lead me and show me the way that he wants to lead me.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
The beginnings.....
So I was inspired by one of my facebook friends who posted about her baby's birth so he could have all those memories available to him, to jot down a few of my own from my 2 babies births. Granted her baby is a few months old and mine are 6 and 4 years, but who cares...
Greyson William Speckhart
I had been pre-eclamptic with him and had been taken out of work a week before at 36 weeks. I was at church and as we stood for closing prayer, I had my first real contraction. I knew it was different than all the others. I was set to be induced the next day, memorial day because of my blood pressure. We went out to eat, then on to my best friend's daughter's birthday (Kelli). When I told her I was in labor, she said she wasn't going to share her birthday with him! We went home and hung out a while, with the contractions getting to about 7-8 minutes apart. We called the doc and asked if he wanted me to come in because of my blood pressure. He said yes. So off to Rex we went. After I got there and settled in, of course my contractions slowed and I kinda stalled. He still is a shy little guy. I got started on Pitocin and it seemed to be working wonders and I was from 2 to 4 cm in about an hour. The nurse and the doc thought that this would be a quick labor. My Granny and my best friend (Kris) came to be with me. I was still at 4cm. I stayed at 4 cm for EIGHT hours! They kept turning up the Pitocin and the contractions kept getting worse and worse. I was adamant that I did not want an Epidural. (I have seen the size of that needle) This went on from about 9pm till about 4am. I was so wore out. My best friend was right there beside me the whole time. Darren was too, but he kept falling asleep. He was so tired, and I felt like he needed to sleep, but when a contraction came along, I had this irresistible urge to slap him as hard as I could to wake him up. Thankfully Kris was in the way! Finally about 4am the doc came in and I had a nice long chat with him. I knew that if I labored all the way to 10, I would be too exhausted to push, and would end up with a C-section, which I did not want. I relented and opted for the epidural. Now, maybe it's because I'm a nurse, but call me crazy, I like to actually meet the doctor who is working on me. The Anesthesiologist who came in said over my shoulders, after I was already positioned, "I'm Dr. (fill in the blank), I'm going to do your epidural, now you may feel a pinch..." Pinch did not describe it. Let me say it was the single most painful thing I have ever endured in my life. My legs were shaking uncontrollably and he kept telling the nurse to keep me still. Darren was allowed to stay in with me and he sat there holding my hand and he was crying. That torture was finally over, and the epidural began to take effect and I dozed for a few minutes between contractions. I slowly began to move to 5, then 7. After change of shift at 7am, my nurse had used to work with Granny and they had old home week for a few minutes, then the nurse helped me re adjust in the bed, when she did, the epidural line pulled taunt. We caught it, but apparently it was just enough for the line to pull out of place a hair. Soon I could feel the contractions on my left side, and my right leg was heavy and my left wasn't. So my greatest fear had been realized, I would go through all the pain of and epidural and it would only take on one side. I kept telling Granny that my left side wasn't numb any more. So finally about 11am I had made it to 10. So I really had to do this now, I had to push him out. I looked at Kris and said "Guess I've got to do it." She laughed and said "yes you do". So I began to push. When I did, the baby's heart rate would go up. It was just into the 160's to 180's at first then as he started crowning, it would go into the 200's to 220's. Finally I heard the doc say " if this baby's heart rate doesn't slow down it's going to make me tachycardic". That is when she said it was time to help me along. So, out came the vacuum extraction. In just a few minutes with that and a few pushes, I felt the relief of his head coming out. My next thought was "Now I have to push the shoulders out!" We found the reason his heart rate kept going up, the cord was wrapped around his neck. Usually that causes the heart rate to slow down. So Dr Fischer pulled it over his head and all was well to push him all the way out!. With one big push he came out. What a relief !! The special nursery team from NICU took him just to check him out since he was in distress during the birth. His apgar scores were 9 and 9. Darren and I had knew the middle name was going to be William after both of our Uncle Bill's ( Darren's had just passed away a few months before and mine would never have any kids). We had narrowed the first name down to 4 and Greyson was the last choice. Darren was holding him and said "Greyson William" I looked at him and said "really?" and he said " wait till you see him." Sure enough, when I saw him, he was defiantly Greyson. When I got home I remember having such a hard time sitting up straight. My abdominal muscles were so sore! Darren lost Greyson the first night (but that is a different story).
Addyson Faith Speckhart
Greyson had left me with a permanent present, high blood pressure. I was monitored closely because of it and was on medication. I started having a headache at 36 weeks and I was in the hospital over night and tried all kinds of meds. Finally it started to go away with some meds. The baby had been breech the whole pregnancy and Dr Fischer that delivered Greyson said just not to worry, that if she didn't turn, we could schedule a C-section. I really didn't want that, but I knew she was big enough that she would not turn on her own. Dr Feldman who saw me in the hospital asked about trying to turn her externally. I knew some ladies that this had worked well for and even though I knew this would hurt, I wanted to be able to say that I had tried everything I could to avoid a C-section. Dr Feldman is a skinny minny lady, and she tried her best to get the baby to turn. I could feel the baby's head go up by my ribs and over to the other side and she would just stop. Poor Dr Feldman was sliding on the floor trying to push harder. Finally we all gave up, and I had to rest for a while before they would let me go. I kept having contractions and I kept telling the nurse and doc that I was in labor. They kept saying, "no, It's just uterine irritation". After a few hours and some fluids, it was still continuing. Darren went down to get dinner. I was having contractions about 7 minutes apart and lasting about 30 seconds. Darren went down to get dinner, and was gone about 20 minutes. When he came back they were about 2 minutes apart and lasting about 1 minute. The pain had gotten much more intense. The doc had told me to have a C-section I would have to show some "forward progression" (dilating). I begged her to check me and sure enough I had gone from 2 to 3m. So we were having a baby. We could never decide on a name and had a list there with us. To keep my mind off the contractions, Darren started talking to me about names, and we got Addyson and Faith together. We still did not pick it, but while everything was going on around us it was in the back of our minds. The Anesthesiologist came and introduced himself and talked through what he would be doing. I told him of my experience with Greyson and he said he hoped I had a better experience. I told him that since I actually saw his face, it was already better. As I went into the OR to be prepped, Darren had to change into scrubs and wait in the daddy waiting room. He later said it was and eternity to wait. I met the anesthesiologist and the nurse anetheisist, and had my spinal done. This one was a one shot wonder. The needle was much smaller and this doc and I were cracking jokes. He told everyone in the OR about my epidural with Greyson. They were all like "We know who that is". So when I was ready, Dr Feldman came in and made sure I was ready. Darren had arrived and was sitting on a stool beside my shoulder. I kept saying I wanted a mirror set up so I could see the C-section. No such luck! Suddenly I was so nauseated. My blood pressure which had been borderline high, was low. I told the NA that I needed an alcohol swab, and Darren looked at me like I was nuts. Luckily the NA knew what I was talking about (the smell of an alcohol swab helps take away nausea). I even had to get some meds to bring my BP up. A little after 8pm, the baby was born. I got to see her briefly before she was taken to be checked. Darren and I were talking about her name, and Darren said that waiting in the room, he kept thinking that we had to have faith that things would turn out OK. We agreed that her name should be Addyson Faith. I didn't get to see here again for a few hours after she was born. I missed all the closeness that I had with Greyson. At first I fell not very connected to her like I had Greyson. I spent the first night after having her being nauseated and throwing up from the spinal. I was near the nurses station and I was calling Darren trying to wake him up to get me a cool cloth, and the nurses heard me out there and came in and checked on me. (and woke Darren up when they turned on the light.) When I got home a few days later, I had such a difficult time getting up off the couch and sleeping. I had to wake Darren up the first night home to help me turn over. Finally the next day or so, I went into her room and just held her. That's when we got our bonding time.
Greyson William Speckhart
I had been pre-eclamptic with him and had been taken out of work a week before at 36 weeks. I was at church and as we stood for closing prayer, I had my first real contraction. I knew it was different than all the others. I was set to be induced the next day, memorial day because of my blood pressure. We went out to eat, then on to my best friend's daughter's birthday (Kelli). When I told her I was in labor, she said she wasn't going to share her birthday with him! We went home and hung out a while, with the contractions getting to about 7-8 minutes apart. We called the doc and asked if he wanted me to come in because of my blood pressure. He said yes. So off to Rex we went. After I got there and settled in, of course my contractions slowed and I kinda stalled. He still is a shy little guy. I got started on Pitocin and it seemed to be working wonders and I was from 2 to 4 cm in about an hour. The nurse and the doc thought that this would be a quick labor. My Granny and my best friend (Kris) came to be with me. I was still at 4cm. I stayed at 4 cm for EIGHT hours! They kept turning up the Pitocin and the contractions kept getting worse and worse. I was adamant that I did not want an Epidural. (I have seen the size of that needle) This went on from about 9pm till about 4am. I was so wore out. My best friend was right there beside me the whole time. Darren was too, but he kept falling asleep. He was so tired, and I felt like he needed to sleep, but when a contraction came along, I had this irresistible urge to slap him as hard as I could to wake him up. Thankfully Kris was in the way! Finally about 4am the doc came in and I had a nice long chat with him. I knew that if I labored all the way to 10, I would be too exhausted to push, and would end up with a C-section, which I did not want. I relented and opted for the epidural. Now, maybe it's because I'm a nurse, but call me crazy, I like to actually meet the doctor who is working on me. The Anesthesiologist who came in said over my shoulders, after I was already positioned, "I'm Dr. (fill in the blank), I'm going to do your epidural, now you may feel a pinch..." Pinch did not describe it. Let me say it was the single most painful thing I have ever endured in my life. My legs were shaking uncontrollably and he kept telling the nurse to keep me still. Darren was allowed to stay in with me and he sat there holding my hand and he was crying. That torture was finally over, and the epidural began to take effect and I dozed for a few minutes between contractions. I slowly began to move to 5, then 7. After change of shift at 7am, my nurse had used to work with Granny and they had old home week for a few minutes, then the nurse helped me re adjust in the bed, when she did, the epidural line pulled taunt. We caught it, but apparently it was just enough for the line to pull out of place a hair. Soon I could feel the contractions on my left side, and my right leg was heavy and my left wasn't. So my greatest fear had been realized, I would go through all the pain of and epidural and it would only take on one side. I kept telling Granny that my left side wasn't numb any more. So finally about 11am I had made it to 10. So I really had to do this now, I had to push him out. I looked at Kris and said "Guess I've got to do it." She laughed and said "yes you do". So I began to push. When I did, the baby's heart rate would go up. It was just into the 160's to 180's at first then as he started crowning, it would go into the 200's to 220's. Finally I heard the doc say " if this baby's heart rate doesn't slow down it's going to make me tachycardic". That is when she said it was time to help me along. So, out came the vacuum extraction. In just a few minutes with that and a few pushes, I felt the relief of his head coming out. My next thought was "Now I have to push the shoulders out!" We found the reason his heart rate kept going up, the cord was wrapped around his neck. Usually that causes the heart rate to slow down. So Dr Fischer pulled it over his head and all was well to push him all the way out!. With one big push he came out. What a relief !! The special nursery team from NICU took him just to check him out since he was in distress during the birth. His apgar scores were 9 and 9. Darren and I had knew the middle name was going to be William after both of our Uncle Bill's ( Darren's had just passed away a few months before and mine would never have any kids). We had narrowed the first name down to 4 and Greyson was the last choice. Darren was holding him and said "Greyson William" I looked at him and said "really?" and he said " wait till you see him." Sure enough, when I saw him, he was defiantly Greyson. When I got home I remember having such a hard time sitting up straight. My abdominal muscles were so sore! Darren lost Greyson the first night (but that is a different story).
Addyson Faith Speckhart
Greyson had left me with a permanent present, high blood pressure. I was monitored closely because of it and was on medication. I started having a headache at 36 weeks and I was in the hospital over night and tried all kinds of meds. Finally it started to go away with some meds. The baby had been breech the whole pregnancy and Dr Fischer that delivered Greyson said just not to worry, that if she didn't turn, we could schedule a C-section. I really didn't want that, but I knew she was big enough that she would not turn on her own. Dr Feldman who saw me in the hospital asked about trying to turn her externally. I knew some ladies that this had worked well for and even though I knew this would hurt, I wanted to be able to say that I had tried everything I could to avoid a C-section. Dr Feldman is a skinny minny lady, and she tried her best to get the baby to turn. I could feel the baby's head go up by my ribs and over to the other side and she would just stop. Poor Dr Feldman was sliding on the floor trying to push harder. Finally we all gave up, and I had to rest for a while before they would let me go. I kept having contractions and I kept telling the nurse and doc that I was in labor. They kept saying, "no, It's just uterine irritation". After a few hours and some fluids, it was still continuing. Darren went down to get dinner. I was having contractions about 7 minutes apart and lasting about 30 seconds. Darren went down to get dinner, and was gone about 20 minutes. When he came back they were about 2 minutes apart and lasting about 1 minute. The pain had gotten much more intense. The doc had told me to have a C-section I would have to show some "forward progression" (dilating). I begged her to check me and sure enough I had gone from 2 to 3m. So we were having a baby. We could never decide on a name and had a list there with us. To keep my mind off the contractions, Darren started talking to me about names, and we got Addyson and Faith together. We still did not pick it, but while everything was going on around us it was in the back of our minds. The Anesthesiologist came and introduced himself and talked through what he would be doing. I told him of my experience with Greyson and he said he hoped I had a better experience. I told him that since I actually saw his face, it was already better. As I went into the OR to be prepped, Darren had to change into scrubs and wait in the daddy waiting room. He later said it was and eternity to wait. I met the anesthesiologist and the nurse anetheisist, and had my spinal done. This one was a one shot wonder. The needle was much smaller and this doc and I were cracking jokes. He told everyone in the OR about my epidural with Greyson. They were all like "We know who that is". So when I was ready, Dr Feldman came in and made sure I was ready. Darren had arrived and was sitting on a stool beside my shoulder. I kept saying I wanted a mirror set up so I could see the C-section. No such luck! Suddenly I was so nauseated. My blood pressure which had been borderline high, was low. I told the NA that I needed an alcohol swab, and Darren looked at me like I was nuts. Luckily the NA knew what I was talking about (the smell of an alcohol swab helps take away nausea). I even had to get some meds to bring my BP up. A little after 8pm, the baby was born. I got to see her briefly before she was taken to be checked. Darren and I were talking about her name, and Darren said that waiting in the room, he kept thinking that we had to have faith that things would turn out OK. We agreed that her name should be Addyson Faith. I didn't get to see here again for a few hours after she was born. I missed all the closeness that I had with Greyson. At first I fell not very connected to her like I had Greyson. I spent the first night after having her being nauseated and throwing up from the spinal. I was near the nurses station and I was calling Darren trying to wake him up to get me a cool cloth, and the nurses heard me out there and came in and checked on me. (and woke Darren up when they turned on the light.) When I got home a few days later, I had such a difficult time getting up off the couch and sleeping. I had to wake Darren up the first night home to help me turn over. Finally the next day or so, I went into her room and just held her. That's when we got our bonding time.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
What I Have Learned About Being A Mom
As I sit here at 10:51 on a Saturday night waiting for my work phone to ring, I am contemplating what I have learned from the "moms" in my life.
First of all there was my Great Aunt Gen. She was like a grandmother, all loving, kind, and sweet. She taught me about God, His love and His sacrifice. She showed me it is a necessity to love Him and follow Him. She made sure I got a wonderful Christian education. She sent me to Friendship for 14 years. She kept me grounded. She also taught me fun things like it really is possible to exercise to classical music, in your home, in a dress and heels. She also taught me that being a mom has nothing to do with giving birth to a child.
Secondly, there is my Grandma. She taught me the value of hard work, how to run a household, and how to make the best of what you have. She was a nurse, and taught me by example how to be a great nurse. She told me secrets of how to talk to doctors, how to balance a check book, how to spend $3 when you have $4.( I don't always listen to this one.) She taught me that I could do anything I set my mind to. I was thinking of this when I was helping her bathe this week. She has also taught me that there is no guarantee that we will remember these things
Lastly there was my Mama. She not only taught me things not to be as a mom, she taught me good things to be as a mom too. She taught me that it is perfectly acceptable to cancel your date to stay home with your daughter just because she is being a drama queen. She taught me that it is the little things that stick with you, like singing a certain song before bed, having a special night for you and mom every now and then, and it is always important to support your child, even if you don't think what they are doing is the best thing for them.
I haven't had a traditional mom. I have had several I unconventional ones. Currently I have a great mother in law. She has taught me that just always being there is a great thing. You don't have to be in the middle of things, but when your kids need you, they will find you. This spring, we had a scare, and things could have been worse than they are. I would have missed this mom in my life. She's the most "normal" mom I have had. I look to her for strength and support on things from the kids to work, to faith. Lord knows, she's the only other woman that knows my husband like I do.
What have my children taught me about being a mom? They have taught me that I AM that mom. You know, the one who cries at all their accomplishments. The one that is so sappy, it makes you kinda vomit in your mouth just a little bit. I am a mom who is so fiercely protective of my children, that I will let them go and make their own mistakes even if it makes me crazy. I am a mom who prays for my kids daily, and encourages them to pray.
Another thing I have learned about myself as a mom is that I actually enjoy being a modified stay at home mom. I am a nurse and work as a weekend on call nurse for a hospice agency. I work on Sat, Sun, then on Mon night. Otherwise, I am at home with the kids. I love being able to help Greyson with his homework, pick up Addy from preschool and cuddle on the couch after lunch. I like to cook, even if I don't do it too often. I am still trying to find my groove with all the running around between dropping at school, and preschool, then picking up, but I think it may be getting easier.
They have taught me that I can love someone more that I ever thought possible. Before we had Greyson, we had 2 miscarriages. I did well. They were early on, and I guess I knew that those were not the children God had for me. I know that their little lives were not useless. They taught me things too. Sometimes, I think about those lives. They were precious to me. I wonder what those little faces would have been like. What their personalities would be. Would they be like Addyson and Greyson or totally different? I also can't believe how much I love Greyson and Addyson.
Lastly, I have learned that being a mom is pretty cool and great. I have also learned that it is pretty hard to mess up being a mom, (even when you do). We can feel like we messed up so much, but then those little ones come up with the sweetest things to say about you. They don't notice all the "bad" things you do. They notice much more of the good things!
First of all there was my Great Aunt Gen. She was like a grandmother, all loving, kind, and sweet. She taught me about God, His love and His sacrifice. She showed me it is a necessity to love Him and follow Him. She made sure I got a wonderful Christian education. She sent me to Friendship for 14 years. She kept me grounded. She also taught me fun things like it really is possible to exercise to classical music, in your home, in a dress and heels. She also taught me that being a mom has nothing to do with giving birth to a child.
Secondly, there is my Grandma. She taught me the value of hard work, how to run a household, and how to make the best of what you have. She was a nurse, and taught me by example how to be a great nurse. She told me secrets of how to talk to doctors, how to balance a check book, how to spend $3 when you have $4.( I don't always listen to this one.) She taught me that I could do anything I set my mind to. I was thinking of this when I was helping her bathe this week. She has also taught me that there is no guarantee that we will remember these things
Lastly there was my Mama. She not only taught me things not to be as a mom, she taught me good things to be as a mom too. She taught me that it is perfectly acceptable to cancel your date to stay home with your daughter just because she is being a drama queen. She taught me that it is the little things that stick with you, like singing a certain song before bed, having a special night for you and mom every now and then, and it is always important to support your child, even if you don't think what they are doing is the best thing for them.
I haven't had a traditional mom. I have had several I unconventional ones. Currently I have a great mother in law. She has taught me that just always being there is a great thing. You don't have to be in the middle of things, but when your kids need you, they will find you. This spring, we had a scare, and things could have been worse than they are. I would have missed this mom in my life. She's the most "normal" mom I have had. I look to her for strength and support on things from the kids to work, to faith. Lord knows, she's the only other woman that knows my husband like I do.
What have my children taught me about being a mom? They have taught me that I AM that mom. You know, the one who cries at all their accomplishments. The one that is so sappy, it makes you kinda vomit in your mouth just a little bit. I am a mom who is so fiercely protective of my children, that I will let them go and make their own mistakes even if it makes me crazy. I am a mom who prays for my kids daily, and encourages them to pray.
Another thing I have learned about myself as a mom is that I actually enjoy being a modified stay at home mom. I am a nurse and work as a weekend on call nurse for a hospice agency. I work on Sat, Sun, then on Mon night. Otherwise, I am at home with the kids. I love being able to help Greyson with his homework, pick up Addy from preschool and cuddle on the couch after lunch. I like to cook, even if I don't do it too often. I am still trying to find my groove with all the running around between dropping at school, and preschool, then picking up, but I think it may be getting easier.
They have taught me that I can love someone more that I ever thought possible. Before we had Greyson, we had 2 miscarriages. I did well. They were early on, and I guess I knew that those were not the children God had for me. I know that their little lives were not useless. They taught me things too. Sometimes, I think about those lives. They were precious to me. I wonder what those little faces would have been like. What their personalities would be. Would they be like Addyson and Greyson or totally different? I also can't believe how much I love Greyson and Addyson.
Lastly, I have learned that being a mom is pretty cool and great. I have also learned that it is pretty hard to mess up being a mom, (even when you do). We can feel like we messed up so much, but then those little ones come up with the sweetest things to say about you. They don't notice all the "bad" things you do. They notice much more of the good things!
Saturday, March 23, 2013
My life...right now...
It seems like I haven't blogged in so long. I have had several thing on my mind, but finding time to actually sit down and blog has been next to impossible. In February I had my 41st birthday. Also that day was my 8th wedding anniversary. Darren's birthday was on March 2. We had taken that weekend to have a get away for just us. Darren planned it and got the babysitter for the weekend and set it all up. we went to the hotel we spent the our wedding night at. We actually got to enjoy the hotel this time. It was really nice to get a break from the kids and it be just us. We are taking a marriage class at church. It is really good, and has been good for our marriage. Not that there was really anything wrong with our marriage before. I think there is always room for improvement. Things get so busy with work, the kids, schools, the extended family, that sometimes we just forget to take a moment for us.
On March 19th, Addyson turned 4. I can't hardly believe she is already that old. She is getting the potty training. Out in public she will ask to go potty when she needs to, but at home, not so much. We have been working on it. She also started Tae Kwan Do about 2 weeks before her birthday. She is loving it. She is getting better about paying attention, and she loves the class. We are hoping it will do for her what it has done for Greyson. It taught him focus and self control and self discipline. It has really helped him in school. Addyson is a bit more of a free spirit and need to be reigned in some. Hopefully TKD will help her become more disciplined too.
Greyson is on spring track out now. He wore out his welcome on day 2. I think he is used to doing things at school and staying busy, that being at home is just plain boring. He is doing well in school too. He is reading above grade level and his handwriting is improving greatly. He loves math too. He is so smart. He comes up with really good questions. Yesterday I had to explain what retirement was. I have also had to explain the saying "She cranks my tractor" thanks to the radio. That was a fun conversation!
Work is becoming and easier routine. It is getting easier to recover from the weekends and to fit in some sleep. God really blessed me with this opportunity to have this on call position. I do hate missing church in the evenings usually and some on Sunday mornings, but it has been great being home with the kids. Granted they drive me nuts some, but having the opportunity to be there to get the kids from the school, and helping with homework after school and not having to rush back to work, has been great.
Granny is getting worse. She is going to have to go to a memory care unit within the next month. I have a few things to get in line then it can be done. Uncle Bill is having difficulty accepting this, and in accepting that he is going to have to go to a facility himself. I am really concerned about how Granny will react. I know she is going to be mad at me, but this is what has to happen. About 2 years ago when she started to have some symptoms, Darren and I talked to her about building a small "Mother-in-law suite" that would be connected to our house for both her and Uncle Bill. She was OK with it then when it was brought up to Uncle Bill things came to a halt. Both had extreme opposition at that time. So now things have progressed to far, with both Granny and Uncle Bill saying "We're Fine", but now Uncle Bill is recognizing that Granny is going to have to go somewhere. He kept telling me the other day that Darren and I had promised to take them into our home. I had to explain that the time is too far gone to do that now. He finally admitted that they had made a mistake. He keeps telling me that Granny can't cook any more or clean, or remember to do things. I have been telling him this would happen, but he hasn't listened to me. He is finally getting it. He still doesn't realize that I have POA over Granny yet. He thinks she can still make her own decisions. REALLY??? I have found a place with a memory care unit and an assisted living that actually takes Medicaid, so they can be at the same place. He doesn't seem to be realizing how great this is. He keeps talking about how much it will cost. It is insane. The place is great, it is only a few years old, and it is a median base price, but he is stuck on the cost. I have told him places far worse cost this much too. Maybe one day he will get it. We are going to have to move Granny first then get him taken care of. Maybe he will have an epiphany between now and then. I can dream can't I?
Hopefully it won't be so long till I get to blog again. I really enjoy it. It is and outlet for me. I know this one had bee kinda boring, but it's my life right now...
On March 19th, Addyson turned 4. I can't hardly believe she is already that old. She is getting the potty training. Out in public she will ask to go potty when she needs to, but at home, not so much. We have been working on it. She also started Tae Kwan Do about 2 weeks before her birthday. She is loving it. She is getting better about paying attention, and she loves the class. We are hoping it will do for her what it has done for Greyson. It taught him focus and self control and self discipline. It has really helped him in school. Addyson is a bit more of a free spirit and need to be reigned in some. Hopefully TKD will help her become more disciplined too.
Greyson is on spring track out now. He wore out his welcome on day 2. I think he is used to doing things at school and staying busy, that being at home is just plain boring. He is doing well in school too. He is reading above grade level and his handwriting is improving greatly. He loves math too. He is so smart. He comes up with really good questions. Yesterday I had to explain what retirement was. I have also had to explain the saying "She cranks my tractor" thanks to the radio. That was a fun conversation!
Work is becoming and easier routine. It is getting easier to recover from the weekends and to fit in some sleep. God really blessed me with this opportunity to have this on call position. I do hate missing church in the evenings usually and some on Sunday mornings, but it has been great being home with the kids. Granted they drive me nuts some, but having the opportunity to be there to get the kids from the school, and helping with homework after school and not having to rush back to work, has been great.
Granny is getting worse. She is going to have to go to a memory care unit within the next month. I have a few things to get in line then it can be done. Uncle Bill is having difficulty accepting this, and in accepting that he is going to have to go to a facility himself. I am really concerned about how Granny will react. I know she is going to be mad at me, but this is what has to happen. About 2 years ago when she started to have some symptoms, Darren and I talked to her about building a small "Mother-in-law suite" that would be connected to our house for both her and Uncle Bill. She was OK with it then when it was brought up to Uncle Bill things came to a halt. Both had extreme opposition at that time. So now things have progressed to far, with both Granny and Uncle Bill saying "We're Fine", but now Uncle Bill is recognizing that Granny is going to have to go somewhere. He kept telling me the other day that Darren and I had promised to take them into our home. I had to explain that the time is too far gone to do that now. He finally admitted that they had made a mistake. He keeps telling me that Granny can't cook any more or clean, or remember to do things. I have been telling him this would happen, but he hasn't listened to me. He is finally getting it. He still doesn't realize that I have POA over Granny yet. He thinks she can still make her own decisions. REALLY??? I have found a place with a memory care unit and an assisted living that actually takes Medicaid, so they can be at the same place. He doesn't seem to be realizing how great this is. He keeps talking about how much it will cost. It is insane. The place is great, it is only a few years old, and it is a median base price, but he is stuck on the cost. I have told him places far worse cost this much too. Maybe one day he will get it. We are going to have to move Granny first then get him taken care of. Maybe he will have an epiphany between now and then. I can dream can't I?
Hopefully it won't be so long till I get to blog again. I really enjoy it. It is and outlet for me. I know this one had bee kinda boring, but it's my life right now...
Friday, January 18, 2013
Life Changes
So it feels like I haven't blogged in a while. I played catch up a few weeks ago, but it still feels like I haven't blogged.
So many things have happened. The kids are only part of my life. I have been running ragged with Granny and my Uncle. Granny is going to have to go into a memory care home, and my Uncle is a hugely suborn, but he needs to go to an assisted living home, but he thinks he would be fine if she goes somewhere. She has Alzheimer's disease and is getting to the point where he can't keep up with her needs all the time. I am still trying to talk to them about it. I don't want to just do something and have them both upset with me.
Everyone who is married knows that marriages go through times when you feel really close and when you feel not so close. When you feel not so close you have to work at it even harder then. Now, it seems that is one of those times. Not that I don't expect to have those times, but when they do come along, I always feel like it needs to be fixed as soon as it can be. However, I am a coward about talking. I always have been shy when it comes to serious talks, and even though my husband is my best friend, and the person on this earth I am closest to, I have a hard time bringing up these topics. I know it seems crazy, but that's the way I feel. That makes it really hard to bring up ideas or concerns I am feeling. I think my husband either doesn't feel any of the things I feel or doesn't want to discuss them. This is not necessarily true, but finding the time to talk sometimes is really hard with 2 jobs, and 2 little ones with 2 schools and after school activities... We have recently has some talks and things seem to be getting a little better. It is always a act in motion, as any marriage should be.
I worry about my dog, Trixie. She is almost 16 and is getting older every day. She is starting to have "old lady" problems and makes me realize that she is not going to live forever. She has been with me since I was in nursing school. She was a puppy when I got her. When she does go, it is going to be really hard.
When I have days like today, when the kids get on my last nerve all day, I feel guilty for loosing my temper with them. I really try to be better, but it is really hard sometimes.
Life will continue to change, and I will continue to cope with it. I do so with lots of prayer.
So many things have happened. The kids are only part of my life. I have been running ragged with Granny and my Uncle. Granny is going to have to go into a memory care home, and my Uncle is a hugely suborn, but he needs to go to an assisted living home, but he thinks he would be fine if she goes somewhere. She has Alzheimer's disease and is getting to the point where he can't keep up with her needs all the time. I am still trying to talk to them about it. I don't want to just do something and have them both upset with me.
Everyone who is married knows that marriages go through times when you feel really close and when you feel not so close. When you feel not so close you have to work at it even harder then. Now, it seems that is one of those times. Not that I don't expect to have those times, but when they do come along, I always feel like it needs to be fixed as soon as it can be. However, I am a coward about talking. I always have been shy when it comes to serious talks, and even though my husband is my best friend, and the person on this earth I am closest to, I have a hard time bringing up these topics. I know it seems crazy, but that's the way I feel. That makes it really hard to bring up ideas or concerns I am feeling. I think my husband either doesn't feel any of the things I feel or doesn't want to discuss them. This is not necessarily true, but finding the time to talk sometimes is really hard with 2 jobs, and 2 little ones with 2 schools and after school activities... We have recently has some talks and things seem to be getting a little better. It is always a act in motion, as any marriage should be.
I worry about my dog, Trixie. She is almost 16 and is getting older every day. She is starting to have "old lady" problems and makes me realize that she is not going to live forever. She has been with me since I was in nursing school. She was a puppy when I got her. When she does go, it is going to be really hard.
When I have days like today, when the kids get on my last nerve all day, I feel guilty for loosing my temper with them. I really try to be better, but it is really hard sometimes.
Life will continue to change, and I will continue to cope with it. I do so with lots of prayer.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Long Time No Blog....
So it has been a while..... I must admit, my life has been a little busy. The kids are in school, I have changed my position at work. We are really busy people now.... is that really a good excuse?
Greyson and Addyson are both in school, so my day got really complicated. I take Greyson to school at 8, Addyson to school at 9 and pick her up at 12. Greyson gets out at 3. I was trying to fit work between all of the carpool. Then a position for the oncall weekend night nurse came open. Seemed like the answer to my problem. It has been wonderful. It has allowed me to shuttle the kids with relative ease and work when they aren't in school. I did however have all these daydreams of getting the house cleaned and straightened and organized in all this "Free" time I would have.....Yeah Right!
On Mondays, I am trying to nap from the weekend and go to work Mon evening, then, Tues I am napping from Mon night. I seem to spend Wed and Thurs trying to catch up and on Friday, it's time to go again! So much for all my day dreams!
It has been a big adjustment to being a Quazi stay at home mom. I never thought that I would be one of those moms. I always wanted to work. That was one of the first things that I told my husband when we were talking marriage and kids. Lord knows I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I'm too easily frustrated. There has been more yelling since I have stared staying at home. I am trying hard, but it doesn't work sometimes. I think the worst is Greyson's homework. I get so stressed just trying to help him. I think he ignores what I say on purpose! He is reading really good, but his penmanship leaves something to be desired. That is where we struggle. Writing neat. Who knew it would be so frustrating to write the ABC's.
Addy is starting to trace letters and counting. She's doing really good, but she still is peeing and pooping in her pants from time to time. Yesterday she peed in her pants just because she wanted different underwear on! Things like that make you want to give her a good shake. Of course you can't but, the thought does cross your mind!
So, between frustrating moments, I continue to try to do things around the house, sometimes not so sucessfully. Pay bills, pick up, clean, things like that.
Maybe when Addy goes to "big girl" school I can get some of the daydreams completed....or maybe I'm just dreaming.......
Greyson and Addyson are both in school, so my day got really complicated. I take Greyson to school at 8, Addyson to school at 9 and pick her up at 12. Greyson gets out at 3. I was trying to fit work between all of the carpool. Then a position for the oncall weekend night nurse came open. Seemed like the answer to my problem. It has been wonderful. It has allowed me to shuttle the kids with relative ease and work when they aren't in school. I did however have all these daydreams of getting the house cleaned and straightened and organized in all this "Free" time I would have.....Yeah Right!
On Mondays, I am trying to nap from the weekend and go to work Mon evening, then, Tues I am napping from Mon night. I seem to spend Wed and Thurs trying to catch up and on Friday, it's time to go again! So much for all my day dreams!
It has been a big adjustment to being a Quazi stay at home mom. I never thought that I would be one of those moms. I always wanted to work. That was one of the first things that I told my husband when we were talking marriage and kids. Lord knows I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I'm too easily frustrated. There has been more yelling since I have stared staying at home. I am trying hard, but it doesn't work sometimes. I think the worst is Greyson's homework. I get so stressed just trying to help him. I think he ignores what I say on purpose! He is reading really good, but his penmanship leaves something to be desired. That is where we struggle. Writing neat. Who knew it would be so frustrating to write the ABC's.
Addy is starting to trace letters and counting. She's doing really good, but she still is peeing and pooping in her pants from time to time. Yesterday she peed in her pants just because she wanted different underwear on! Things like that make you want to give her a good shake. Of course you can't but, the thought does cross your mind!
So, between frustrating moments, I continue to try to do things around the house, sometimes not so sucessfully. Pay bills, pick up, clean, things like that.
Maybe when Addy goes to "big girl" school I can get some of the daydreams completed....or maybe I'm just dreaming.......
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Denver day 5-7
So Saturday in Denver, was Dan and Jennifer's wedding. She got married in a really old, beautiful church in downtown Denver. It had a really cool pipe organ. The wedding was very beautiful and everyone looked so beautiful or handsome. Jennifer cried while saying her vows. There was a few hours break, then the reception. There were light finger foods and a photo booth. Everyone was asked to take pics and got 2 copies, one for yourselves and one to decorate a page for the scrap book for Jen and Dan. That was fun! There were props and it was really neat to see some of the photos that were made. The reception was adults only and so it was fun to have a "Date Night". There was good food and music. We even got Mom to dance a few times! (yes there is video floating around somewhere). It was fun to get to be with family and laugh and joke.
Sunday, Mom, my sister in law and I cooked breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. After we all had breakfast, Darren, the kids and I went to Colorado Springs to visit an old friend of mine and her family. We haven't really been in touch with each other since we were teens. We had a great lunch and a great time in the pool, even though it was cut short by thunder. We went back to her house and had a great time catching up as well as great brownies. Greyson and Addyson had a great time playing with her youngest who is 4.
We then headed back to Denver to meet Darren's brother and his dog, Molly at one of the parks. The park was beautiful and Molly had fun running after the ball, as well as getting to know us. After a while, we said good bye to Molly and Darren's brother. We would be going home the next day. The time had gone by so fast. I was wishing that we had more time to spend with our Denver family.
Monday morning, we got up, had breakfast and then did that last minute packing then headed to the airport. Greyson and Addyson were excited to be going on a plane again. We got checked in and then had lunch and went to the gate. The kids had fun watching planes land out the windows. We boarded and the flight was full. Actually I had to check in at the gate and got the last guaranteed seat on the plane. I think Addy fell asleep as we were climbing to 10,000 feet and slept all the way until about 30 minutes before we landed in Philadelphia. Greyson was full of energy and refused to sleep or play with his leapster. He fell asleep about 5 minutes before we landed. When he woke up at the gate, he kept wanting to feel the "bump" of landing.
At Philly, we had dinner and picked up a few gifts. The kids were wired. Boarding was postponed, to try to wait for weather in Raleigh to clear. There was an opening in the storms and we took off for an hour flight back to Raleigh. There was only about 40 people on the plane and Addy was still wired and was chatty and in her Diva mode! Greyson and Daddy talked and played. Greyson fell asleep again about 5 minutes before landing again! We arrived back home at 1230 an we all fell into bed. Needless to say that we slept late the next day.
We had a wonderful time in Denver and can't wait to go back again!
Sunday, Mom, my sister in law and I cooked breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. After we all had breakfast, Darren, the kids and I went to Colorado Springs to visit an old friend of mine and her family. We haven't really been in touch with each other since we were teens. We had a great lunch and a great time in the pool, even though it was cut short by thunder. We went back to her house and had a great time catching up as well as great brownies. Greyson and Addyson had a great time playing with her youngest who is 4.
We then headed back to Denver to meet Darren's brother and his dog, Molly at one of the parks. The park was beautiful and Molly had fun running after the ball, as well as getting to know us. After a while, we said good bye to Molly and Darren's brother. We would be going home the next day. The time had gone by so fast. I was wishing that we had more time to spend with our Denver family.
Monday morning, we got up, had breakfast and then did that last minute packing then headed to the airport. Greyson and Addyson were excited to be going on a plane again. We got checked in and then had lunch and went to the gate. The kids had fun watching planes land out the windows. We boarded and the flight was full. Actually I had to check in at the gate and got the last guaranteed seat on the plane. I think Addy fell asleep as we were climbing to 10,000 feet and slept all the way until about 30 minutes before we landed in Philadelphia. Greyson was full of energy and refused to sleep or play with his leapster. He fell asleep about 5 minutes before we landed. When he woke up at the gate, he kept wanting to feel the "bump" of landing.
At Philly, we had dinner and picked up a few gifts. The kids were wired. Boarding was postponed, to try to wait for weather in Raleigh to clear. There was an opening in the storms and we took off for an hour flight back to Raleigh. There was only about 40 people on the plane and Addy was still wired and was chatty and in her Diva mode! Greyson and Daddy talked and played. Greyson fell asleep again about 5 minutes before landing again! We arrived back home at 1230 an we all fell into bed. Needless to say that we slept late the next day.
We had a wonderful time in Denver and can't wait to go back again!
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