My best friend once told me that it took her and her husband about 7 years to have that all out sit down and tell each other what bugs them about the other talk. Speck and I are getting close to that 7 year mark of being married. Feb 26th is the big day. Well, we had a miscommunication that lead to an argument that led to a lengthy purging of the soul, followed by a conversation about it all. Yep, I'd say it is about 7 years. I don't think that we discussed everything, but we came pretty close. It felt good to get it all out in the open and discuss it. These are things that have been at least on my mind for a few years now, and I just never knew how to talk to him about it.
He's my husband, my soul mate, the person I am most intimate with on all levels, and I couldn't tell him these things because I didn't know how. That seems really weird. We had sort of a whirl wind romance in the first few months especially. We got to know each other really quickly, so somethings I have learned over the years. I guess if we had been one of those couples that dated for 5,7,or 10 years before we got married, it may have been different. But personally, I think those couples are a little pathetic. Now don't get me wrong, being together is a great thing, but if you know that you are with the one who God wants you to be with for the rest of your life, shouldn't you want it to start as soon a possible? I knew on our first date, and of course it scared me to death. Speck, it took him a little longer to figure it out. (Men, go figure) What I'm getting at is that when you know it, you usually want it to start as soon as possible. Why wait around all those years dating. (That was totally my opinion, and if I have offended anyone I am sorry. We are after all entitled to our own opinion and it is my blog...)
My point of that last paragraph was to say that even though God's timing was right on track, sometimes that causes what we see as difficulties later down the road. I love my husband, he is the best friend, husband, father, and provider I could ever ask for and we are so compatible it isn't even funny, but all those good things also come along with loads of frustrations and insecurities. My insecurities come from my life before I met my "Hunny". My mom wasn't even close to the stellar role model she should be, but I did have a grandmother and great aunt that were good examples. Still sometimes I fall back into that fear that I saw with mom. Her self worth was tied to having a man. I'm not that bad, but sometimes I do not say things because I don't want to start an argument because I don't want to go through that emotional turmoil. I just push it down and try hard to ignore it.
I know that Speck wouldn't leave over and argument. When have had some really bad ones, that I really though he was going to not come home at the end of the day, but he did. We both have done things that weren't right and have finally owned up to them. We usually end up talking about it and it ends up not as bad as it had seemed, but at the time it was really important and hurtful to each other.
I have said all of that to say this. Relationships are hard. They take work, They are like another kid that you have as a couple. You have to feed it, nurture it and let it grow. Sometimes it throws a temper tantrum and it comes back crying, and sorry. You both have to work on making it grow up, because raising kids is a joint effort, so is a relationship. I have spent a lot of time praying over mine. That really helps too. Hopefully God will make it easier for me to say things to my husband, and not let me get in the way of a good relationship.
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