So it has been a while..... I must admit, my life has been a little busy. The kids are in school, I have changed my position at work. We are really busy people now.... is that really a good excuse?
Greyson and Addyson are both in school, so my day got really complicated. I take Greyson to school at 8, Addyson to school at 9 and pick her up at 12. Greyson gets out at 3. I was trying to fit work between all of the carpool. Then a position for the oncall weekend night nurse came open. Seemed like the answer to my problem. It has been wonderful. It has allowed me to shuttle the kids with relative ease and work when they aren't in school. I did however have all these daydreams of getting the house cleaned and straightened and organized in all this "Free" time I would have.....Yeah Right!
On Mondays, I am trying to nap from the weekend and go to work Mon evening, then, Tues I am napping from Mon night. I seem to spend Wed and Thurs trying to catch up and on Friday, it's time to go again! So much for all my day dreams!
It has been a big adjustment to being a Quazi stay at home mom. I never thought that I would be one of those moms. I always wanted to work. That was one of the first things that I told my husband when we were talking marriage and kids. Lord knows I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I'm too easily frustrated. There has been more yelling since I have stared staying at home. I am trying hard, but it doesn't work sometimes. I think the worst is Greyson's homework. I get so stressed just trying to help him. I think he ignores what I say on purpose! He is reading really good, but his penmanship leaves something to be desired. That is where we struggle. Writing neat. Who knew it would be so frustrating to write the ABC's.
Addy is starting to trace letters and counting. She's doing really good, but she still is peeing and pooping in her pants from time to time. Yesterday she peed in her pants just because she wanted different underwear on! Things like that make you want to give her a good shake. Of course you can't but, the thought does cross your mind!
So, between frustrating moments, I continue to try to do things around the house, sometimes not so sucessfully. Pay bills, pick up, clean, things like that.
Maybe when Addy goes to "big girl" school I can get some of the daydreams completed....or maybe I'm just dreaming.......
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Denver day 5-7
So Saturday in Denver, was Dan and Jennifer's wedding. She got married in a really old, beautiful church in downtown Denver. It had a really cool pipe organ. The wedding was very beautiful and everyone looked so beautiful or handsome. Jennifer cried while saying her vows. There was a few hours break, then the reception. There were light finger foods and a photo booth. Everyone was asked to take pics and got 2 copies, one for yourselves and one to decorate a page for the scrap book for Jen and Dan. That was fun! There were props and it was really neat to see some of the photos that were made. The reception was adults only and so it was fun to have a "Date Night". There was good food and music. We even got Mom to dance a few times! (yes there is video floating around somewhere). It was fun to get to be with family and laugh and joke.
Sunday, Mom, my sister in law and I cooked breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. After we all had breakfast, Darren, the kids and I went to Colorado Springs to visit an old friend of mine and her family. We haven't really been in touch with each other since we were teens. We had a great lunch and a great time in the pool, even though it was cut short by thunder. We went back to her house and had a great time catching up as well as great brownies. Greyson and Addyson had a great time playing with her youngest who is 4.
We then headed back to Denver to meet Darren's brother and his dog, Molly at one of the parks. The park was beautiful and Molly had fun running after the ball, as well as getting to know us. After a while, we said good bye to Molly and Darren's brother. We would be going home the next day. The time had gone by so fast. I was wishing that we had more time to spend with our Denver family.
Monday morning, we got up, had breakfast and then did that last minute packing then headed to the airport. Greyson and Addyson were excited to be going on a plane again. We got checked in and then had lunch and went to the gate. The kids had fun watching planes land out the windows. We boarded and the flight was full. Actually I had to check in at the gate and got the last guaranteed seat on the plane. I think Addy fell asleep as we were climbing to 10,000 feet and slept all the way until about 30 minutes before we landed in Philadelphia. Greyson was full of energy and refused to sleep or play with his leapster. He fell asleep about 5 minutes before we landed. When he woke up at the gate, he kept wanting to feel the "bump" of landing.
At Philly, we had dinner and picked up a few gifts. The kids were wired. Boarding was postponed, to try to wait for weather in Raleigh to clear. There was an opening in the storms and we took off for an hour flight back to Raleigh. There was only about 40 people on the plane and Addy was still wired and was chatty and in her Diva mode! Greyson and Daddy talked and played. Greyson fell asleep again about 5 minutes before landing again! We arrived back home at 1230 an we all fell into bed. Needless to say that we slept late the next day.
We had a wonderful time in Denver and can't wait to go back again!
Sunday, Mom, my sister in law and I cooked breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast. After we all had breakfast, Darren, the kids and I went to Colorado Springs to visit an old friend of mine and her family. We haven't really been in touch with each other since we were teens. We had a great lunch and a great time in the pool, even though it was cut short by thunder. We went back to her house and had a great time catching up as well as great brownies. Greyson and Addyson had a great time playing with her youngest who is 4.
We then headed back to Denver to meet Darren's brother and his dog, Molly at one of the parks. The park was beautiful and Molly had fun running after the ball, as well as getting to know us. After a while, we said good bye to Molly and Darren's brother. We would be going home the next day. The time had gone by so fast. I was wishing that we had more time to spend with our Denver family.
Monday morning, we got up, had breakfast and then did that last minute packing then headed to the airport. Greyson and Addyson were excited to be going on a plane again. We got checked in and then had lunch and went to the gate. The kids had fun watching planes land out the windows. We boarded and the flight was full. Actually I had to check in at the gate and got the last guaranteed seat on the plane. I think Addy fell asleep as we were climbing to 10,000 feet and slept all the way until about 30 minutes before we landed in Philadelphia. Greyson was full of energy and refused to sleep or play with his leapster. He fell asleep about 5 minutes before we landed. When he woke up at the gate, he kept wanting to feel the "bump" of landing.
At Philly, we had dinner and picked up a few gifts. The kids were wired. Boarding was postponed, to try to wait for weather in Raleigh to clear. There was an opening in the storms and we took off for an hour flight back to Raleigh. There was only about 40 people on the plane and Addy was still wired and was chatty and in her Diva mode! Greyson and Daddy talked and played. Greyson fell asleep again about 5 minutes before landing again! We arrived back home at 1230 an we all fell into bed. Needless to say that we slept late the next day.
We had a wonderful time in Denver and can't wait to go back again!
Friday, July 6, 2012
Denver Day 3-4
So Thursday morning we awoke and had breakfast at the hotel. They have really good breakfast foods. Wed we had waffles, eggs, yogurt, all kinds of bread to toast. Thursday we had eggs, sausage links, fresh fruit, breads assortment, and today they had sausage gravy biscuits fruit, breads, and cinnamon waffles.
Thursday, Darren and his brother went to play golf with their brother and some of the groom's family. The Girls went shopping for wedding gifts and Greyson and his cousin stayed with Grandpa. We drove to the store that had the gift I had ordered on line for the Couple. There was a Crate and Barrel across the street, which is where Grandma and my sister -in law needed to pick up their gift. we drove all around this store and we even found the back door, but the city of Denver in it's infinite wisdom, had decided to close off all the roads right there at the store, so we could see the building, but could not get to it! Extremely frustrating! It was funny to see the looks we got, 2 forty- something women and a lovely senior citizen in a burnt orange Dodge Charger, (another story all together) driving around the block all different ways trying to reach this elusive shop! It became quite funny. I was so frustrated. I said " I want to drive up, park and walk in the door." A few minutes later, my sister in law mentioned that we could park across the road in a different store's parking lot and walk to Crate and Barrel. I asked her what part of my previous statement did she not understand.
So, off we go in our muscle car, cruising through Denver to the Park Meadows Mall to the store there. Once we got there, we had trouble finding the actual store. We stopped and asked at the Panera store (because my sister-in-law figured that the 2 stores have the same type of customers), and got directions. We found the store and parked in front of the store and went in.
My nephew only had Grandpa call once to find out what was taking so long. We picked up lunch at the Arby's on the corner and headed home. Darren and his brother got back from golfing and both had to admit that they were beat by their brother! Apparently while we were gone the boys Greyson and his cousin) had locked themselves in the adjoining room and Grandpa had to call the desk to come and unlock the doors!
Off to the pool we went. The kids had a great time again. Then we went downtown to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner with the Bride and Groom and some of both families. There was about 35 people total. Greyson and Addy made friends with the ring bearer who is Greyson's age. We sat upstairs and there are floor to ceiling windows which we could look out over the pedestrian mall. That was really cool. There were horse and carriages for rides, and they waited right outside the restaurant. After the meal, we went up to meet one of the horses. His name was Jackson (same as one of Greyson's best friends) and he had his hoofs painted with purple glitter. Addy thought that was really cool!
Again the kids went to sleep with out much of an issue and they woke about 7 Denver time. Today we had breakfast and went to a local Party City. We needed to get some wrapping paper, and Darren had to check out the store. ( it's a thing with him since he is a manager for them) While we were there, I caught Greyson with a piece of candy he was opening. (Not a real expensive one, one of the 15 for a dollar ones.) I told Darren and he took Greyson to the store manager and made him tell the manager what he had done. Greyson was almost in tears, and he did cry when he came back to me. We explained that doing that is stealing and is a sin, and God doesn't want us to do that. I think he has learned his lesson. He was embarrassed enough and scared enough having to tell the manager. Darren then actually got a tour of the store's stockroom and talked to the manager for a while.
I later met the bride to be and some of her party at a nail salon. I needed a touch up on my toes and eyebrows. Grandma and Grandpa are now at the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The rest of us are going to go eat dinner and maybe catch a movie!
Tomorrow is the big day!!
Thursday, Darren and his brother went to play golf with their brother and some of the groom's family. The Girls went shopping for wedding gifts and Greyson and his cousin stayed with Grandpa. We drove to the store that had the gift I had ordered on line for the Couple. There was a Crate and Barrel across the street, which is where Grandma and my sister -in law needed to pick up their gift. we drove all around this store and we even found the back door, but the city of Denver in it's infinite wisdom, had decided to close off all the roads right there at the store, so we could see the building, but could not get to it! Extremely frustrating! It was funny to see the looks we got, 2 forty- something women and a lovely senior citizen in a burnt orange Dodge Charger, (another story all together) driving around the block all different ways trying to reach this elusive shop! It became quite funny. I was so frustrated. I said " I want to drive up, park and walk in the door." A few minutes later, my sister in law mentioned that we could park across the road in a different store's parking lot and walk to Crate and Barrel. I asked her what part of my previous statement did she not understand.
So, off we go in our muscle car, cruising through Denver to the Park Meadows Mall to the store there. Once we got there, we had trouble finding the actual store. We stopped and asked at the Panera store (because my sister-in-law figured that the 2 stores have the same type of customers), and got directions. We found the store and parked in front of the store and went in.
My nephew only had Grandpa call once to find out what was taking so long. We picked up lunch at the Arby's on the corner and headed home. Darren and his brother got back from golfing and both had to admit that they were beat by their brother! Apparently while we were gone the boys Greyson and his cousin) had locked themselves in the adjoining room and Grandpa had to call the desk to come and unlock the doors!
Off to the pool we went. The kids had a great time again. Then we went downtown to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner with the Bride and Groom and some of both families. There was about 35 people total. Greyson and Addy made friends with the ring bearer who is Greyson's age. We sat upstairs and there are floor to ceiling windows which we could look out over the pedestrian mall. That was really cool. There were horse and carriages for rides, and they waited right outside the restaurant. After the meal, we went up to meet one of the horses. His name was Jackson (same as one of Greyson's best friends) and he had his hoofs painted with purple glitter. Addy thought that was really cool!
Again the kids went to sleep with out much of an issue and they woke about 7 Denver time. Today we had breakfast and went to a local Party City. We needed to get some wrapping paper, and Darren had to check out the store. ( it's a thing with him since he is a manager for them) While we were there, I caught Greyson with a piece of candy he was opening. (Not a real expensive one, one of the 15 for a dollar ones.) I told Darren and he took Greyson to the store manager and made him tell the manager what he had done. Greyson was almost in tears, and he did cry when he came back to me. We explained that doing that is stealing and is a sin, and God doesn't want us to do that. I think he has learned his lesson. He was embarrassed enough and scared enough having to tell the manager. Darren then actually got a tour of the store's stockroom and talked to the manager for a while.
I later met the bride to be and some of her party at a nail salon. I needed a touch up on my toes and eyebrows. Grandma and Grandpa are now at the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The rest of us are going to go eat dinner and maybe catch a movie!
Tomorrow is the big day!!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Denver Day 2
After way too little sleep last night, Darren and I awoke to two bright eyed kids. They were itching to do something. Luckily at breakfast Grandma and Grandpa as well as Uncle Kurt, Aunt Robin, and Cousin David came to eat as well. They had gotten in late last night. Shortly after that, Uncle Randy came to take the kids to the parade in Centennial Park. Afterward, we went to have ice cream and then met up with the rest of the family and went to a train and car museum. The kids had fun running around and looking at all the neat things, even "driving" a model T.
Then we went to Boulder to see a friend I used to work with. We went to the Pearl Street Mall, and had lunch at a really cool Italian restaurant with really great food. We all walked and chatted, and let the kids play in one of those water fountains that are made for kids to play in and shoot water out from different holes at different times. They had a ball. Then back to the hotel to play in the pool.
Greyson has had a bad experience once when he fell off a step in a pool without a vest. He was a little hesitant, but soon began to jump in the pool for Darren and I to catch and after a while, he had learned to paddle around in the pool. Of course Darren and I were close by, but he did great!
Addyson apparently is fearless, and began to try to paddle as soon as she got in. She had to get the hang of the life vest and finally got to where she could paddle without falling over on her back or face. Even before she got the hang of it she kept shouting " Don't hold me Mommie!" She asked to get out and then promptly turned around and jumped into the water! Needless to say I was not expecting that and almost didn't catch her. She thought it was great and kept at it, and soon she tried to jump into the water backwards to Uncle Kurt. That was met with lots of "NO!'s" from all the adults. Later she thought she would dive in head first- again met with lots of emphatic No's.
We all met back in our room and had sandwiches and snacks for dinner. The kids were tired, and we put them to bed and talked about not getting up tonight, and going to sleep. I heard one laugh out of them and then silence. I went to check on them and they were sleeping soundly!
Amazing Day!!
Then we went to Boulder to see a friend I used to work with. We went to the Pearl Street Mall, and had lunch at a really cool Italian restaurant with really great food. We all walked and chatted, and let the kids play in one of those water fountains that are made for kids to play in and shoot water out from different holes at different times. They had a ball. Then back to the hotel to play in the pool.
Greyson has had a bad experience once when he fell off a step in a pool without a vest. He was a little hesitant, but soon began to jump in the pool for Darren and I to catch and after a while, he had learned to paddle around in the pool. Of course Darren and I were close by, but he did great!
Addyson apparently is fearless, and began to try to paddle as soon as she got in. She had to get the hang of the life vest and finally got to where she could paddle without falling over on her back or face. Even before she got the hang of it she kept shouting " Don't hold me Mommie!" She asked to get out and then promptly turned around and jumped into the water! Needless to say I was not expecting that and almost didn't catch her. She thought it was great and kept at it, and soon she tried to jump into the water backwards to Uncle Kurt. That was met with lots of "NO!'s" from all the adults. Later she thought she would dive in head first- again met with lots of emphatic No's.
We all met back in our room and had sandwiches and snacks for dinner. The kids were tired, and we put them to bed and talked about not getting up tonight, and going to sleep. I heard one laugh out of them and then silence. I went to check on them and they were sleeping soundly!
Amazing Day!!
First in Flight
So, we have undertaken an amazing feat. We flew with out 2 children under 6 from Raleigh, NC to Denver, Co. We were prepared for the worse. Lots of whining, crying and many talks in the bathroom with Daddy if necessary. I had bought each one of the kids "carry on" bag of their own, a small fabric tote about 18 inches by 12 inches and a few inches deep, in which we packed the all important Leapesters ( learning video game toy) and papers that were sent home for "summer fun" from their preschool teachers and colored pencils or crayons, and a few other things to keep them busy. Greyson insisted on bringing his bible, so then did Addy. Each got to bring a small stuffed toy with them in the bag too. I was praying that this would keep them entertained while we waited for the flight at least!
We got to RDU airport. They were a little antsy while we waited for Daddy to go park the car and I began to worry. Waiting for the plane, Leapesters were all consuming. Thank goodness I found one on sale for Addy on the Leap Frog web site. I'm not exactly sure if sharing 1 would have worked. I knew that boarding would keep their attention. Greyson sat in the row ahead with Daddy and Addyson sat with me. The adults had the widow seat even though we offered them to the kids and they declined. It worked out well because it gave Darren and I more room. (We are fluffy don't you know!) Addy made friends with the college girl next to us and Greyson chatted some with a man who we found out was a marine on his way home.
Taking off was a thrill for the kids, and when we reached 10.000 feet and could break out the leapesters, they came out again. After about an hour or so, we let the kids see out the windows. That was pretty cool. They both thought getting a snack on the plane was pretty cool too. Then it was time for the landing. We explained that there would be a lot of different noises and then a bump when we touched down. Luckily we had pretty good "bumps", but did do some fishtailing on that first flight. We had landed in Chicago!
Our layover was rather short and we had to switch concourses which wasn't in the original plan, but we managed to get some lunch and arrive about 15 min before boarding began. Thank God for the Family boarding! That's great. We got to board after the first section of travelers boarded, and we owe it all to Addy, since she's 3 we qualify. This time around Greyson sat with me and Addy with Darren. Greyson was full of questions and we happened to sit next to a stewardess jumping flights, so she helped answer them. She was wonderful! She even pulled out her Ipad and let Greyson see the flight tracker of our flight. Greyson kept asking where were we in our flight. She also got coloring books and wings for both the kids. Addy took a nap from shortly after takeoff to about 30 minutes before landing. Again the snacks were pretty cool.
We landed in Denver, again with a pretty soft bump and the flight attendant telling Greyson what the flaps on the wings were doing as we approached and landed. Greyson almost shouted when he heard the Captain say we were in Denver. He was ready for another flight, me, not so much. I was really glad we had made it! Both the kids listened very well in the airports and made us glad that we had not brought the stroller, since we already had enough stuff! We got to take a train to the baggage claim, and that was a new experience for the kids. They had never been on a train, must less a subway type train. Both sat wide eyed, holding Darren's hand as the train took off then slowed at it's stops. Addy really looked confused. We made it to baggage claim and as Darren got our bags, the kids helped him spot them. Addy got her suitcase, pulled up the handle and walked to the bus for the rental car. She thought she was something. It was so cute to see this little girl in a green gingham skirt pulling a ladybug suitcase just walking along beside her daddy pushing a cart of suitcases.
At the car rental place, while Darren rented the car, we had a court side seat to see planes take off. Greyson thought it was pretty cool. Greyson passed out in the car on the ride to the hotel. We made it, unpacked, had dinner, picked up a few groceries and came back and put the kids to bed. Of course they thought it was play time because they have a room together. Darren and I were dead tired and the kids kept laughing and playing. It finally took one of those talks from Daddy to get them to quiet down and finally go to sleep about midnight, Denver time, 2am our time. Hopefully they won't be too grumpy tomorrow!
Greyson kept asking us tonight if he had been good today, which he does from time to time. I told him he had been Amazing today. We had been blessed with a great trip out. God really answered prayer for us. It could have been much worse! I know there were others praying for us and I could tell in the behaviors of my children. Not that they are bad kids, all in all, they are pretty good.
Today my kids made me proud. Not that overwhelming beaming pride I get when they do something great, or a new first, but that quiet, steadily spreading pride that makes you feel like your kids are maturing, getting all grown up. I know it is in a way a reflection on how they are raised, but sometimes I wonder if Darren and I are doing a good job with the kids. It was one of those affirmations that I actually might have a clue with this parenting thing. Maybe our "excess" age has an advantage.
Today my kids defiantly lived up to our state's licence plate motto- First in Flight!
We got to RDU airport. They were a little antsy while we waited for Daddy to go park the car and I began to worry. Waiting for the plane, Leapesters were all consuming. Thank goodness I found one on sale for Addy on the Leap Frog web site. I'm not exactly sure if sharing 1 would have worked. I knew that boarding would keep their attention. Greyson sat in the row ahead with Daddy and Addyson sat with me. The adults had the widow seat even though we offered them to the kids and they declined. It worked out well because it gave Darren and I more room. (We are fluffy don't you know!) Addy made friends with the college girl next to us and Greyson chatted some with a man who we found out was a marine on his way home.
Taking off was a thrill for the kids, and when we reached 10.000 feet and could break out the leapesters, they came out again. After about an hour or so, we let the kids see out the windows. That was pretty cool. They both thought getting a snack on the plane was pretty cool too. Then it was time for the landing. We explained that there would be a lot of different noises and then a bump when we touched down. Luckily we had pretty good "bumps", but did do some fishtailing on that first flight. We had landed in Chicago!
Our layover was rather short and we had to switch concourses which wasn't in the original plan, but we managed to get some lunch and arrive about 15 min before boarding began. Thank God for the Family boarding! That's great. We got to board after the first section of travelers boarded, and we owe it all to Addy, since she's 3 we qualify. This time around Greyson sat with me and Addy with Darren. Greyson was full of questions and we happened to sit next to a stewardess jumping flights, so she helped answer them. She was wonderful! She even pulled out her Ipad and let Greyson see the flight tracker of our flight. Greyson kept asking where were we in our flight. She also got coloring books and wings for both the kids. Addy took a nap from shortly after takeoff to about 30 minutes before landing. Again the snacks were pretty cool.
We landed in Denver, again with a pretty soft bump and the flight attendant telling Greyson what the flaps on the wings were doing as we approached and landed. Greyson almost shouted when he heard the Captain say we were in Denver. He was ready for another flight, me, not so much. I was really glad we had made it! Both the kids listened very well in the airports and made us glad that we had not brought the stroller, since we already had enough stuff! We got to take a train to the baggage claim, and that was a new experience for the kids. They had never been on a train, must less a subway type train. Both sat wide eyed, holding Darren's hand as the train took off then slowed at it's stops. Addy really looked confused. We made it to baggage claim and as Darren got our bags, the kids helped him spot them. Addy got her suitcase, pulled up the handle and walked to the bus for the rental car. She thought she was something. It was so cute to see this little girl in a green gingham skirt pulling a ladybug suitcase just walking along beside her daddy pushing a cart of suitcases.
At the car rental place, while Darren rented the car, we had a court side seat to see planes take off. Greyson thought it was pretty cool. Greyson passed out in the car on the ride to the hotel. We made it, unpacked, had dinner, picked up a few groceries and came back and put the kids to bed. Of course they thought it was play time because they have a room together. Darren and I were dead tired and the kids kept laughing and playing. It finally took one of those talks from Daddy to get them to quiet down and finally go to sleep about midnight, Denver time, 2am our time. Hopefully they won't be too grumpy tomorrow!
Greyson kept asking us tonight if he had been good today, which he does from time to time. I told him he had been Amazing today. We had been blessed with a great trip out. God really answered prayer for us. It could have been much worse! I know there were others praying for us and I could tell in the behaviors of my children. Not that they are bad kids, all in all, they are pretty good.
Today my kids made me proud. Not that overwhelming beaming pride I get when they do something great, or a new first, but that quiet, steadily spreading pride that makes you feel like your kids are maturing, getting all grown up. I know it is in a way a reflection on how they are raised, but sometimes I wonder if Darren and I are doing a good job with the kids. It was one of those affirmations that I actually might have a clue with this parenting thing. Maybe our "excess" age has an advantage.
Today my kids defiantly lived up to our state's licence plate motto- First in Flight!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
For better or worse....in sickness and in health
G-man just graduated from preschool. We were so excited. He was so excited. We are full of anticipation and hope as he begins this new chapter in his life. He will be testing for his yellow belt in Tae Kwan Do in a few weeks. It is wonderful to see him growing and learning.
A-bear is having issues. She has taken to spitting, pulling out all the wipes and diapers, pretty much refuses to potty train. She is sweet and loving, but infuriating as well. We are working hard to teach her to be a responsible child and a nice one as well. I'm beginning to wonder if she will be nice ever again.
Work is going fairly well for Speck and I. It always has it's ups and downs.
I just started a diet today.
All these things are part of the better and worse.
Granny is getting sicker every day. My uncle is now having problems with his heart and they can be very serious. Neither one of them can remember A-bear's name. She is "little girl" to them. It breaks my heart to hear it. I don't know what I am going to do with either one of them if the other dies first. They are getting very close to not being able to be in their home by themselves. I don't know who I am going to get them to leave. I don't want to be the bad guy, and put them away somewhere. I know what facilities can be like. I see enough of that in my job. I see our patients and I can see the future of the only family I have left. This is distressing.
Speck's brother had a kidney stone and was incidentally found to have a malignant mass. At first we thought it was pancreatic cancer-not good at all. The blessing is it isn't pancreatic. It is a rare form of cancer that usually isn't found until it is too late. Luckily, the kidney stone led to an early finding. Still, there are all the feelings of a family dealing with that diagnosis. Speck is taking this very hard. The nurse in me wants to know all the information first hand. I want to be there an hear what all the options are and help my brother-in-law to make the most informed decision and hopefully the best one for him. Instead I have to be supportive of my husband and his, now my family. This is distressing.
This is the in sickness and in health part.
When we got married we stood at the front of the church, in front of our friends and recited the words that our pastor asked us to for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health." You can think you know what life may bring, but you don't. Only God knows what he has in store for us.
Jeremiah says "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, for a future and a hope". This has been my favorite verse for quite a while. I always think of this one and another one I have held dear for many years from Psalms "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy, and he who goeth forth bearing precious seed shall doubtless come again rejoicing, bring his sheaves with him."
Both of these verses tell me that God knows what I don't, and that what ever he sends my way, and I will profit from it in some way. What a promise! I just need to hang on and wait patiently for God to show me the miracles of each situation that will bring me the blessings God has in store for me!!
A-bear is having issues. She has taken to spitting, pulling out all the wipes and diapers, pretty much refuses to potty train. She is sweet and loving, but infuriating as well. We are working hard to teach her to be a responsible child and a nice one as well. I'm beginning to wonder if she will be nice ever again.
Work is going fairly well for Speck and I. It always has it's ups and downs.
I just started a diet today.
All these things are part of the better and worse.
Granny is getting sicker every day. My uncle is now having problems with his heart and they can be very serious. Neither one of them can remember A-bear's name. She is "little girl" to them. It breaks my heart to hear it. I don't know what I am going to do with either one of them if the other dies first. They are getting very close to not being able to be in their home by themselves. I don't know who I am going to get them to leave. I don't want to be the bad guy, and put them away somewhere. I know what facilities can be like. I see enough of that in my job. I see our patients and I can see the future of the only family I have left. This is distressing.
Speck's brother had a kidney stone and was incidentally found to have a malignant mass. At first we thought it was pancreatic cancer-not good at all. The blessing is it isn't pancreatic. It is a rare form of cancer that usually isn't found until it is too late. Luckily, the kidney stone led to an early finding. Still, there are all the feelings of a family dealing with that diagnosis. Speck is taking this very hard. The nurse in me wants to know all the information first hand. I want to be there an hear what all the options are and help my brother-in-law to make the most informed decision and hopefully the best one for him. Instead I have to be supportive of my husband and his, now my family. This is distressing.
This is the in sickness and in health part.
When we got married we stood at the front of the church, in front of our friends and recited the words that our pastor asked us to for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health." You can think you know what life may bring, but you don't. Only God knows what he has in store for us.
Jeremiah says "For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, for a future and a hope". This has been my favorite verse for quite a while. I always think of this one and another one I have held dear for many years from Psalms "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy, and he who goeth forth bearing precious seed shall doubtless come again rejoicing, bring his sheaves with him."
Both of these verses tell me that God knows what I don't, and that what ever he sends my way, and I will profit from it in some way. What a promise! I just need to hang on and wait patiently for God to show me the miracles of each situation that will bring me the blessings God has in store for me!!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Hello Kitty- She's 3
We had A-bear's birthday party yesterday at the park. There was supposed to be rain and cloudy all day and it was a beautiful sunny day that wasn't too hot! A-bear was really wanting to go to the park, so I am so glad God worked that one out. Her actual birthday is Monday, but we had the party yesterday.
Her 3rd birthday party was an all out Hello Kitty extravaganza! There were balloons, plates, napkins, cups, cakes, shirts, wrapping paper and gifts with Hello Kitty. Oh, almost forgot the Hello Kitty princess crown.
She played and ran and ate and opened presents and played more. We went home and brought all the kids- (cousin, and babysitters and their little brother) back to the house. When we got here, she looked like she was about to go to sleep, but she jumped out of the car saying "I want to go to playground" ( which is what she calls out swing set/fort we have for the kids). She ran and played some more.
We went to dinner and after dinner, I took her to the nail salon to have her nails done. We do this every Sat night at home. I paint her toes and nails. She has gotten used to this, so I knew she would do well. The lady painted her nails and even decorated her nails. Afterward, she had to sit at the nail dryer to get the nails dry. She sat there so cute and grown up. She looked like a little adult sitting there. She even sat quietly while I went to get my eyebrows done.
She is growing up so much. She is starting to have an opinion about EVERYTHING! She wants to decide what she wears, pick out her shoes, her hair bows, what she eats, what she plays with. This of course has caused some "strong willed child" moments.
I said with G-man, it's not the terrible two's, it's the terrifying three's that get to the parents. She has entered her 3's with a full on Diva attitude. She always wants Mommy, and never wants to go to Daddy, she has started hitting G-man when he does things she doesn't like and as a result, she has increased her number of spankings!
She can be sweet as pie, too though. She can crawl up in your lap and say "I Love you Mommy" and melt your heart. She gives really good hugs and kisses too!
My baby's 3!!!!
Her 3rd birthday party was an all out Hello Kitty extravaganza! There were balloons, plates, napkins, cups, cakes, shirts, wrapping paper and gifts with Hello Kitty. Oh, almost forgot the Hello Kitty princess crown.
She played and ran and ate and opened presents and played more. We went home and brought all the kids- (cousin, and babysitters and their little brother) back to the house. When we got here, she looked like she was about to go to sleep, but she jumped out of the car saying "I want to go to playground" ( which is what she calls out swing set/fort we have for the kids). She ran and played some more.
We went to dinner and after dinner, I took her to the nail salon to have her nails done. We do this every Sat night at home. I paint her toes and nails. She has gotten used to this, so I knew she would do well. The lady painted her nails and even decorated her nails. Afterward, she had to sit at the nail dryer to get the nails dry. She sat there so cute and grown up. She looked like a little adult sitting there. She even sat quietly while I went to get my eyebrows done.
She is growing up so much. She is starting to have an opinion about EVERYTHING! She wants to decide what she wears, pick out her shoes, her hair bows, what she eats, what she plays with. This of course has caused some "strong willed child" moments.
I said with G-man, it's not the terrible two's, it's the terrifying three's that get to the parents. She has entered her 3's with a full on Diva attitude. She always wants Mommy, and never wants to go to Daddy, she has started hitting G-man when he does things she doesn't like and as a result, she has increased her number of spankings!
She can be sweet as pie, too though. She can crawl up in your lap and say "I Love you Mommy" and melt your heart. She gives really good hugs and kisses too!
My baby's 3!!!!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
G-man's New Adventure
So... G-man started taking Tae Kwan Do this last week. He really likes it and thinks it is fun. He took 2 free "see if you like it " classes, and wanted to take more. He is excited about it. He thinks he is SOOO cool and is in awe of all the instructors. He got his uniform and is so cute in it! He also got a new buz cut on Saturday and this makes him look even more adorable.
This actually came out of the fact that I want A-bear to take dance in the fall and Specky said that G-man has to be doing something if A-bear takes dance. A-bear will dance to music and loves to put on frilly skirts and sway and say "I Dancin' Mommie!"I think she will enjoy it, but honestly, I never got to take dance and always wanted to. If she doesn't like it, we will try something else, maybe Tae Kwan Do!
We were looking for something that G-man could get involved in, but traditional sports were not really an option, with all the practices and games and such, as we both work full time. Not only the time, but there is the height thing too. Specky and I are both 5'4" and he is the tallest one in his immediate family! G-man is almost 5 and I have just stopped rolling up his 3T pants! That pretty much puts basketball and football out. He needed something he could do at his own pace. When Specky mentioned it to me, I was skeptical, but went along with it. Did I really want my 4 year old learning a Martial Art?
I did not get to go to his first class, but heard ALL about it! I went Friday evening and Saturday morning to class and I have become engrossed in it. I know all martial arts studios have some type of "commitments", but I really like the ones his studio uses. They also have things he can do for special "stripes", things like keeping his room clean, eating healthy, doing good in school, things like that. He has to memorize the commitments and learn to count in Korean, and learn commands as well as the kicks and punches for self defense. I think I am going to be one of THOSE moms soon. Someone stop me!
G-man has been having trouble with his discipline. He does not do well with listening, or keeping his room straight, or being kind to A-bear all the time. I am hoping Tae Kwan Do will help him do better.
Let's face it, I never thought Grand Master Lee would be helping me teach my son discipline, but I've done a lot of things I didn't think I would. It is really hard to have time with the children to teach them what they should know as they should know it when you both work full time. When you have kids you learn to roll with the tides so to speak, and find your own grove in the parenting wave, but sometimes you just feel like you are caught in a riptide and have to swim parallel to shore to get out of it. When you swim parallel, you find there are other beaches besides the one you were on. That's how it works.
In the book of Jeremiah it says, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "Plans for good and not for evil, for a future and a hope." Imagine, right there in the Bible, God tells me that He knows the plans he has for me and that they are good.! Who knew? Right!. I have been praying for a way to help G-man with his discipline problem and God says, "Here you go." Ok, not exactly what I had in mind, but who knows better? God or me?
I will just have to keep clinging to God's plan for my life and see where it takes me. What Great Adventures does God have planned for my life?, Specky's life?A-bear's life?, and G-man's life? I can't wait to find out!
This actually came out of the fact that I want A-bear to take dance in the fall and Specky said that G-man has to be doing something if A-bear takes dance. A-bear will dance to music and loves to put on frilly skirts and sway and say "I Dancin' Mommie!"I think she will enjoy it, but honestly, I never got to take dance and always wanted to. If she doesn't like it, we will try something else, maybe Tae Kwan Do!
We were looking for something that G-man could get involved in, but traditional sports were not really an option, with all the practices and games and such, as we both work full time. Not only the time, but there is the height thing too. Specky and I are both 5'4" and he is the tallest one in his immediate family! G-man is almost 5 and I have just stopped rolling up his 3T pants! That pretty much puts basketball and football out. He needed something he could do at his own pace. When Specky mentioned it to me, I was skeptical, but went along with it. Did I really want my 4 year old learning a Martial Art?
I did not get to go to his first class, but heard ALL about it! I went Friday evening and Saturday morning to class and I have become engrossed in it. I know all martial arts studios have some type of "commitments", but I really like the ones his studio uses. They also have things he can do for special "stripes", things like keeping his room clean, eating healthy, doing good in school, things like that. He has to memorize the commitments and learn to count in Korean, and learn commands as well as the kicks and punches for self defense. I think I am going to be one of THOSE moms soon. Someone stop me!
G-man has been having trouble with his discipline. He does not do well with listening, or keeping his room straight, or being kind to A-bear all the time. I am hoping Tae Kwan Do will help him do better.
Let's face it, I never thought Grand Master Lee would be helping me teach my son discipline, but I've done a lot of things I didn't think I would. It is really hard to have time with the children to teach them what they should know as they should know it when you both work full time. When you have kids you learn to roll with the tides so to speak, and find your own grove in the parenting wave, but sometimes you just feel like you are caught in a riptide and have to swim parallel to shore to get out of it. When you swim parallel, you find there are other beaches besides the one you were on. That's how it works.
In the book of Jeremiah it says, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "Plans for good and not for evil, for a future and a hope." Imagine, right there in the Bible, God tells me that He knows the plans he has for me and that they are good.! Who knew? Right!. I have been praying for a way to help G-man with his discipline problem and God says, "Here you go." Ok, not exactly what I had in mind, but who knows better? God or me?
I will just have to keep clinging to God's plan for my life and see where it takes me. What Great Adventures does God have planned for my life?, Specky's life?A-bear's life?, and G-man's life? I can't wait to find out!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Most Awesome Dog Ever
So this blog is dedicated to my first baby- my dog. Trixie Lee is a former high maintenance dog that has now become a bit of a old lady of late.
The other day I found a few pictures of her when she was a puppy, just about 3-4 months old. She looked so little and adorable. Back then, she was my shadow. She went everywhere I did. We hung out on the couch and played together all the time, when I wasn't in class or work. I lived in Greenville at the time and we came back to Granny's often, every week almost. She started by riding in the backseat, then would eventually end up in the front passenger seat. She would begin to whine as we got close to Granny's house. Eventually before we moved back to Raleigh, she would whine from the time we got off 264 at Zebulon all the way into Raleigh, and to Granny's house.
She has had her unforgettable moments too. First there was the time she got a 24 oz bag of doggie treats and got into them and ate every last one, and was sick all over the house. Poor baby looked miserable, and slightly confused as to why this was happening to her. Needless to say, she has never gorged her self like that again.
Second, there was the many many things she ate, my new nursing shoes that I had just paid $90 for when I got my first job,( I learned to not buy such expensive work shoes and to put my shoes in the closet), the left side of my love seat she ate to the wood frame, the odd steak, chicken, other food off my plate when I was eating at the coffee table, and got up to refill my drink in the kitchen. The best thing was when she got my pocket book down out of the chair, opened it, pulled out my glasses, and wallet. She ate my glasses, opened my wallet and ate half of all my credit cards. I had quite a time trying to explain that I couldn't give my account number because I could only read half of it off the card. I'm not even going to mention how many bags of fur I have brushed out of her coat!
She was such a picture of pitiful when she had her spay surgery. The vet wanted to keep her overnight, but she would not let any of them near her. I brought her home and she slept on the bathroom floor and I nursed her through the pain, giving her meds and lots of cuddles and kisses.
I used to watch Emergency Vets on the animal planet channel. I would always end up calling her up onto the couch and hug her. This happened with such regularity, that she eventually would jump up on the couch with me when she heard the theme music!
She was my protector too. She was an awesome watch dog. She would perk at any odd sounds. She would let me know if anything was amiss. She was especially watchful when Speck first came around. She watched him intently and would follow him anywhere he went in my home. As Speck and I spent more time together, Trixie began to mellow. She was not so high strung, she even took to Speck's dad, who is not fond of dogs. Trixie would Flop on any of us, even if she did go from sleeping in my bed to her own bed in the living room. Now she lets the kids flop on her sometimes.
When G-man came along, we were worried, because Trixie had always been leery of new people, especially men, and we were bring home a little man that would take lots of my attention. I came home and spent a few minutes with her, then introduced him to her. I let her sniff him and loved on her as I held him. She was great. She used to look in the bassinet if he whimpered. When A-bear came along, all she did was look at me as if to say, "really, another one!" and licked her forehead.
When I was pregnant with A-bear, Trixie had her own medical emergency. When we moved to our house, we started letting her out by herself. She would wander across the street, following some of the other dogs. One day she was hit by a van. No one was home, and our neighbor called Speck at work. He called me and I flew home and found where she was, State Vet School Hospital. Speck and I went in to see her, she was so scared and in shock. She had air on both lungs and bleeding around her kidneys and liver, and fractured the small bone in her back leg. It took her a while to recover, she spent 3 days in the ICU there. They again let her come home early because she would not eat there, not even for me. She made a full recovery, which is a little miraculous since she was 12 at the time.
Now she has just turned 15, and since she was hit she has aged quiet a bit, she doesn't move as fast. Some days she gets a wild hair and runs laps around the house, but mostly she can be found lying in the sun or in the hallway sleeping. Some mornings she sleeps in till we are all up, and some nights I can get up in the middle of the night and she is lying in the hallway between all the bedroom doors, still protecting us. Sure she can't hear you unless you are 5 feet away from her, her cataracts are getting bigger, and she runs into things sometimes, and falls up the stairs, but she is still there, protecting, loving us, and being the quiet presence in our lives.
The other day I found a few pictures of her when she was a puppy, just about 3-4 months old. She looked so little and adorable. Back then, she was my shadow. She went everywhere I did. We hung out on the couch and played together all the time, when I wasn't in class or work. I lived in Greenville at the time and we came back to Granny's often, every week almost. She started by riding in the backseat, then would eventually end up in the front passenger seat. She would begin to whine as we got close to Granny's house. Eventually before we moved back to Raleigh, she would whine from the time we got off 264 at Zebulon all the way into Raleigh, and to Granny's house.
She has had her unforgettable moments too. First there was the time she got a 24 oz bag of doggie treats and got into them and ate every last one, and was sick all over the house. Poor baby looked miserable, and slightly confused as to why this was happening to her. Needless to say, she has never gorged her self like that again.
Second, there was the many many things she ate, my new nursing shoes that I had just paid $90 for when I got my first job,( I learned to not buy such expensive work shoes and to put my shoes in the closet), the left side of my love seat she ate to the wood frame, the odd steak, chicken, other food off my plate when I was eating at the coffee table, and got up to refill my drink in the kitchen. The best thing was when she got my pocket book down out of the chair, opened it, pulled out my glasses, and wallet. She ate my glasses, opened my wallet and ate half of all my credit cards. I had quite a time trying to explain that I couldn't give my account number because I could only read half of it off the card. I'm not even going to mention how many bags of fur I have brushed out of her coat!
She was such a picture of pitiful when she had her spay surgery. The vet wanted to keep her overnight, but she would not let any of them near her. I brought her home and she slept on the bathroom floor and I nursed her through the pain, giving her meds and lots of cuddles and kisses.
I used to watch Emergency Vets on the animal planet channel. I would always end up calling her up onto the couch and hug her. This happened with such regularity, that she eventually would jump up on the couch with me when she heard the theme music!
She was my protector too. She was an awesome watch dog. She would perk at any odd sounds. She would let me know if anything was amiss. She was especially watchful when Speck first came around. She watched him intently and would follow him anywhere he went in my home. As Speck and I spent more time together, Trixie began to mellow. She was not so high strung, she even took to Speck's dad, who is not fond of dogs. Trixie would Flop on any of us, even if she did go from sleeping in my bed to her own bed in the living room. Now she lets the kids flop on her sometimes.
When G-man came along, we were worried, because Trixie had always been leery of new people, especially men, and we were bring home a little man that would take lots of my attention. I came home and spent a few minutes with her, then introduced him to her. I let her sniff him and loved on her as I held him. She was great. She used to look in the bassinet if he whimpered. When A-bear came along, all she did was look at me as if to say, "really, another one!" and licked her forehead.
When I was pregnant with A-bear, Trixie had her own medical emergency. When we moved to our house, we started letting her out by herself. She would wander across the street, following some of the other dogs. One day she was hit by a van. No one was home, and our neighbor called Speck at work. He called me and I flew home and found where she was, State Vet School Hospital. Speck and I went in to see her, she was so scared and in shock. She had air on both lungs and bleeding around her kidneys and liver, and fractured the small bone in her back leg. It took her a while to recover, she spent 3 days in the ICU there. They again let her come home early because she would not eat there, not even for me. She made a full recovery, which is a little miraculous since she was 12 at the time.
Now she has just turned 15, and since she was hit she has aged quiet a bit, she doesn't move as fast. Some days she gets a wild hair and runs laps around the house, but mostly she can be found lying in the sun or in the hallway sleeping. Some mornings she sleeps in till we are all up, and some nights I can get up in the middle of the night and she is lying in the hallway between all the bedroom doors, still protecting us. Sure she can't hear you unless you are 5 feet away from her, her cataracts are getting bigger, and she runs into things sometimes, and falls up the stairs, but she is still there, protecting, loving us, and being the quiet presence in our lives.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Being pulled kicking and screaming into my 40's
I am going to be 40 in days...... The Big 4-0.
When I was younger, I thought that was really old. My mom was 17 years older than me, so when she turned 40, I was 23. That seemed right. I am going to be 40 and have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. Most people my age have kids old enough to babysit my kids. Not saying that I don't have a few that are my age and even a few years older than me, and they have young ones too, but the majority of them have older kids.
When you marry at 33, and start popping out babies at 35, it gets tough to chase them around. A friend at church once said," there's a reason God meant women to have kids in their 20's." I have learned that quickly. Those little buggers have way more energy than I do.
I have fears of being the oldest mom in the room, and seeing that Speck and I will be almost ready to retire when they graduate college, I am afraid we will be mistaken for the kids grandparents! Heck I knew someone that was a grandparent at 30!!!! OK, that's a bit extreme, but my fear of being the oldest parent has seemed to be real. We recently have been looking for schools for G-man. At one of the open houses, it seemed that people younger than me were following along to see the high school. Here we go with all the 20 somethings to see the K-5 classes. I did feel better when I saw a parent that I actually was in my graduating class in the kindergarten orientation.
When I was in A-Bear's preschool orientation, I can about grantee that I was the oldest. Some of the parents looked like they had barely graduated high school.
I say that to say this... I don't feel 40. (Even though I fall asleep on the couch some nights, or Saturday mornings.) It really doesn't seem like 22 years ago I was enjoying my Senior Year, or I was off to college 20 years ago. Despite the fact I figured out I was 12 when one of my peers at work was born, I don't feel like I am older that he is. I don't think I look 40, even though every week I find another grey hair.
Everyone says age is just a number and that you are only as old as you feel, but I do worry about how the kids will feel about it as they grow up. Will they be embarrassed because or our ages, will they be made fun of?
Who knows. All I know is I am going to embrace my 40's. I hear some things get better with age and I am looking forward to that. As long as I have loose powder and a bottle of hair dye, I can keep the illusion going!
When I was younger, I thought that was really old. My mom was 17 years older than me, so when she turned 40, I was 23. That seemed right. I am going to be 40 and have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. Most people my age have kids old enough to babysit my kids. Not saying that I don't have a few that are my age and even a few years older than me, and they have young ones too, but the majority of them have older kids.
When you marry at 33, and start popping out babies at 35, it gets tough to chase them around. A friend at church once said," there's a reason God meant women to have kids in their 20's." I have learned that quickly. Those little buggers have way more energy than I do.
I have fears of being the oldest mom in the room, and seeing that Speck and I will be almost ready to retire when they graduate college, I am afraid we will be mistaken for the kids grandparents! Heck I knew someone that was a grandparent at 30!!!! OK, that's a bit extreme, but my fear of being the oldest parent has seemed to be real. We recently have been looking for schools for G-man. At one of the open houses, it seemed that people younger than me were following along to see the high school. Here we go with all the 20 somethings to see the K-5 classes. I did feel better when I saw a parent that I actually was in my graduating class in the kindergarten orientation.
When I was in A-Bear's preschool orientation, I can about grantee that I was the oldest. Some of the parents looked like they had barely graduated high school.
I say that to say this... I don't feel 40. (Even though I fall asleep on the couch some nights, or Saturday mornings.) It really doesn't seem like 22 years ago I was enjoying my Senior Year, or I was off to college 20 years ago. Despite the fact I figured out I was 12 when one of my peers at work was born, I don't feel like I am older that he is. I don't think I look 40, even though every week I find another grey hair.
Everyone says age is just a number and that you are only as old as you feel, but I do worry about how the kids will feel about it as they grow up. Will they be embarrassed because or our ages, will they be made fun of?
Who knows. All I know is I am going to embrace my 40's. I hear some things get better with age and I am looking forward to that. As long as I have loose powder and a bottle of hair dye, I can keep the illusion going!
Friday, January 20, 2012
Relationships are hard
My best friend once told me that it took her and her husband about 7 years to have that all out sit down and tell each other what bugs them about the other talk. Speck and I are getting close to that 7 year mark of being married. Feb 26th is the big day. Well, we had a miscommunication that lead to an argument that led to a lengthy purging of the soul, followed by a conversation about it all. Yep, I'd say it is about 7 years. I don't think that we discussed everything, but we came pretty close. It felt good to get it all out in the open and discuss it. These are things that have been at least on my mind for a few years now, and I just never knew how to talk to him about it.
He's my husband, my soul mate, the person I am most intimate with on all levels, and I couldn't tell him these things because I didn't know how. That seems really weird. We had sort of a whirl wind romance in the first few months especially. We got to know each other really quickly, so somethings I have learned over the years. I guess if we had been one of those couples that dated for 5,7,or 10 years before we got married, it may have been different. But personally, I think those couples are a little pathetic. Now don't get me wrong, being together is a great thing, but if you know that you are with the one who God wants you to be with for the rest of your life, shouldn't you want it to start as soon a possible? I knew on our first date, and of course it scared me to death. Speck, it took him a little longer to figure it out. (Men, go figure) What I'm getting at is that when you know it, you usually want it to start as soon as possible. Why wait around all those years dating. (That was totally my opinion, and if I have offended anyone I am sorry. We are after all entitled to our own opinion and it is my blog...)
My point of that last paragraph was to say that even though God's timing was right on track, sometimes that causes what we see as difficulties later down the road. I love my husband, he is the best friend, husband, father, and provider I could ever ask for and we are so compatible it isn't even funny, but all those good things also come along with loads of frustrations and insecurities. My insecurities come from my life before I met my "Hunny". My mom wasn't even close to the stellar role model she should be, but I did have a grandmother and great aunt that were good examples. Still sometimes I fall back into that fear that I saw with mom. Her self worth was tied to having a man. I'm not that bad, but sometimes I do not say things because I don't want to start an argument because I don't want to go through that emotional turmoil. I just push it down and try hard to ignore it.
I know that Speck wouldn't leave over and argument. When have had some really bad ones, that I really though he was going to not come home at the end of the day, but he did. We both have done things that weren't right and have finally owned up to them. We usually end up talking about it and it ends up not as bad as it had seemed, but at the time it was really important and hurtful to each other.
I have said all of that to say this. Relationships are hard. They take work, They are like another kid that you have as a couple. You have to feed it, nurture it and let it grow. Sometimes it throws a temper tantrum and it comes back crying, and sorry. You both have to work on making it grow up, because raising kids is a joint effort, so is a relationship. I have spent a lot of time praying over mine. That really helps too. Hopefully God will make it easier for me to say things to my husband, and not let me get in the way of a good relationship.
He's my husband, my soul mate, the person I am most intimate with on all levels, and I couldn't tell him these things because I didn't know how. That seems really weird. We had sort of a whirl wind romance in the first few months especially. We got to know each other really quickly, so somethings I have learned over the years. I guess if we had been one of those couples that dated for 5,7,or 10 years before we got married, it may have been different. But personally, I think those couples are a little pathetic. Now don't get me wrong, being together is a great thing, but if you know that you are with the one who God wants you to be with for the rest of your life, shouldn't you want it to start as soon a possible? I knew on our first date, and of course it scared me to death. Speck, it took him a little longer to figure it out. (Men, go figure) What I'm getting at is that when you know it, you usually want it to start as soon as possible. Why wait around all those years dating. (That was totally my opinion, and if I have offended anyone I am sorry. We are after all entitled to our own opinion and it is my blog...)
My point of that last paragraph was to say that even though God's timing was right on track, sometimes that causes what we see as difficulties later down the road. I love my husband, he is the best friend, husband, father, and provider I could ever ask for and we are so compatible it isn't even funny, but all those good things also come along with loads of frustrations and insecurities. My insecurities come from my life before I met my "Hunny". My mom wasn't even close to the stellar role model she should be, but I did have a grandmother and great aunt that were good examples. Still sometimes I fall back into that fear that I saw with mom. Her self worth was tied to having a man. I'm not that bad, but sometimes I do not say things because I don't want to start an argument because I don't want to go through that emotional turmoil. I just push it down and try hard to ignore it.
I know that Speck wouldn't leave over and argument. When have had some really bad ones, that I really though he was going to not come home at the end of the day, but he did. We both have done things that weren't right and have finally owned up to them. We usually end up talking about it and it ends up not as bad as it had seemed, but at the time it was really important and hurtful to each other.
I have said all of that to say this. Relationships are hard. They take work, They are like another kid that you have as a couple. You have to feed it, nurture it and let it grow. Sometimes it throws a temper tantrum and it comes back crying, and sorry. You both have to work on making it grow up, because raising kids is a joint effort, so is a relationship. I have spent a lot of time praying over mine. That really helps too. Hopefully God will make it easier for me to say things to my husband, and not let me get in the way of a good relationship.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
My babysitters...
My babysitters are pretty awesome! My best friend got married in her mid 20's and in fairly quick succession had 4 kids. She is a stay at home mom who home schools them.(Props to her. I could never stay at home with my kids or home school them.) When I got married in my early 30's her kids were 11, 9, 7, & 5. So when G-man came along 2 years later, the oldest was 13.
Kelli has been watching G-man since he was 6 months. When she started, she knew to call me or her mom if she didn't know something, and was cheep! She loves them both, but G-man is her favorite. She's his too. He always gets a special look when we tell him Miss Kelli is babysitting today. Kelli plays with them, reads to them, teaches them, (sometimes things she shouldn't-Lady Gaga songs), and most importantly loves them, almost as much as I do. She is a senior now and she has decided to go into early childhood education because as she says, she likes it and is good at it.
Brian was the next to learn to babysit. I think in the beginning it was to make some money, but over time he has turned into a great babysitter. He is a quiet soul. He is very good in disciplining them, he plays the Wii with them and teaches them about God. Even though he will deny it, we all know that A-bear is his favorite. It is obvious. He's her favorite too. They are wrapped around each other's little finger. He loves them almost as much as I do.
Becky is the last one to start babysitting. She plays with them and takes them outside the most I think. She likes to be outside and the kids love that. She will read to them and gets them special treats from time to time. They both love her. A-bear loves it when "bec-bee" comes to babysit. She loves them almost as much as I do. She is still learning, but she is going to be a great mom and it is apparent in how she takes care of the kids.
Even my back up babysitters are pretty cool too. They love to hang out and play with the kids and the change of pace is great for G-man and A-bear.
Every morning G-man comes into our bedroom and asks "Who is going to babysit us today?" I think he gets disappointed if I tell him "Mommy is home with you today" or "Daddy is home with you today".
I think I have the best babysitters in the world. There aren't any other people that could love my children the way Kelli, Brian and Becky do, and the kids get to stay in their own home and didn't have to go to daycare. God worked it all out.
He's pretty amazing too!
Kelli has been watching G-man since he was 6 months. When she started, she knew to call me or her mom if she didn't know something, and was cheep! She loves them both, but G-man is her favorite. She's his too. He always gets a special look when we tell him Miss Kelli is babysitting today. Kelli plays with them, reads to them, teaches them, (sometimes things she shouldn't-Lady Gaga songs), and most importantly loves them, almost as much as I do. She is a senior now and she has decided to go into early childhood education because as she says, she likes it and is good at it.
Brian was the next to learn to babysit. I think in the beginning it was to make some money, but over time he has turned into a great babysitter. He is a quiet soul. He is very good in disciplining them, he plays the Wii with them and teaches them about God. Even though he will deny it, we all know that A-bear is his favorite. It is obvious. He's her favorite too. They are wrapped around each other's little finger. He loves them almost as much as I do.
Becky is the last one to start babysitting. She plays with them and takes them outside the most I think. She likes to be outside and the kids love that. She will read to them and gets them special treats from time to time. They both love her. A-bear loves it when "bec-bee" comes to babysit. She loves them almost as much as I do. She is still learning, but she is going to be a great mom and it is apparent in how she takes care of the kids.
Even my back up babysitters are pretty cool too. They love to hang out and play with the kids and the change of pace is great for G-man and A-bear.
Every morning G-man comes into our bedroom and asks "Who is going to babysit us today?" I think he gets disappointed if I tell him "Mommy is home with you today" or "Daddy is home with you today".
I think I have the best babysitters in the world. There aren't any other people that could love my children the way Kelli, Brian and Becky do, and the kids get to stay in their own home and didn't have to go to daycare. God worked it all out.
He's pretty amazing too!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Who Am I?
As some of you know, I recently found out that the person I thought was my father, is not. I know the name of the person who is my real father and I have found out where he lives and have a phone number. I have had this for several months and have done nothing with it. I don't know why.
My daughter looks like a picture of me at her age. You could hold a picture of me at about 18-20 months beside her at that age and you would have to look really close to see that it was not a picture of her. I sometimes sit and look at her and wonder who she looks like. I know she looks like me, but who do I look like?
Being a nurse, I would like to know the medical history of His family. If my medical problems didn't come from Mom's side of the family and they obviously didn't come from the guy who I thought was my dad, did they come from His side? Are they just a fluke? What will this mean for my kids down the road?
I know I love my mom, but she was selfish. Sometimes I am too much like her in that respect, so I can understand the fact that she didn't WANT to tell me. I think she was doing what would cause her the least amount of trouble at the time. Maybe she thought she was doing the right thing. Who knows. I still wonder though why when I was 24 and started having seizures, she didn't tell me. Why when I was 30 and seeking out "dad's" family, didn't she tell me. Mom died 8 years ago. I had just had 2 dates with Darren at that time, so getting married and having kids with him hadn't crossed her mind, so she didn't tell me before she died. I think being selfish as she was, she would have taken that secret to the grave anyway. I had no beautiful, rosy illusions about my mom. I knew how she was. I knew what her life was. It would not have changed my opinion of her at all.
Now I think about asking my Grandma about it. I found out that she and my Granddad and my Uncle knew about it as well. Grandma's dementia sometimes makes her forget things that have happened, then sometimes her mind is clear. Who knows what her mind will be on the day I decide to ask her. I think about Grandma being a nurse too and when Speck and I were trying to have a baby, when we went to a genetic councilor, why didn't she tell us the truth then. Mom was gone, there was no one to protect then. It is IRRESPONSIBLE of her not to have told me. Why does she want to take this secret to her grave too? My uncle has a disease that is causing his memory to slowly disappear too. Does he not remember?
I wonder if I will ever find anyone besides the person who told me who knows the truth, and can explain it to me? The person who told me just knew the facts, they could not explain the thoughts behind it.
I wonder if this will cause problems for my family in the future. Sometimes I would like to call Him and just get to know him for medical reasons. I don't want to be a part of his life, I don't want to bother his family. I just want to understand why this was kept from me till I was almost 40.
I think about it when I drive from family to family doing my job, I think about it when I stare into my daughter's eyes while I am rocking her and singing to her before bed, when I see my son sneeze 3 times--He got that from me, where did I get that from?
Granted my "dad" was always somewhat a mystery to me, but at least I had seen him, I had a face to put with the title. I found his family, I went to visit them, I took Speck to meet them before we were married. I had a "father's side" of the family. Sure he wasn't around, he blew in and blew out every 6-7 years, but it was tangible. Now there is nothing, a big dark room of shadows that are my real family. My blood kin. I did see him one time when I was about 3. I remember Mom and I going to His mom's house and there were all these people there (his brothers and sisters) and their kids. Am I relegated to having the hazy memories of a 3 year old for a whole side of my genealogy?
I have prayed about this quite a bit. I don't know what to do. I have the information, why don't I call. I know that my family knows, but do they remember? Why don't I just ask them to find out. Why do I worry about their feelings more than mine. After all, no one seemed to be taking any of my feelings into account for the nearly 40 years they have known. They don't seem to care if I know the truth or not. I still don't have any peace in my heart about this, about calling Him, about asking my family. What am I supposed to tell my children about my father when they ask? How am I going to explain that my family kept a secret from me for my whole life and didn't feel it necessary to tell me?
LORD, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?
My daughter looks like a picture of me at her age. You could hold a picture of me at about 18-20 months beside her at that age and you would have to look really close to see that it was not a picture of her. I sometimes sit and look at her and wonder who she looks like. I know she looks like me, but who do I look like?
Being a nurse, I would like to know the medical history of His family. If my medical problems didn't come from Mom's side of the family and they obviously didn't come from the guy who I thought was my dad, did they come from His side? Are they just a fluke? What will this mean for my kids down the road?
I know I love my mom, but she was selfish. Sometimes I am too much like her in that respect, so I can understand the fact that she didn't WANT to tell me. I think she was doing what would cause her the least amount of trouble at the time. Maybe she thought she was doing the right thing. Who knows. I still wonder though why when I was 24 and started having seizures, she didn't tell me. Why when I was 30 and seeking out "dad's" family, didn't she tell me. Mom died 8 years ago. I had just had 2 dates with Darren at that time, so getting married and having kids with him hadn't crossed her mind, so she didn't tell me before she died. I think being selfish as she was, she would have taken that secret to the grave anyway. I had no beautiful, rosy illusions about my mom. I knew how she was. I knew what her life was. It would not have changed my opinion of her at all.
Now I think about asking my Grandma about it. I found out that she and my Granddad and my Uncle knew about it as well. Grandma's dementia sometimes makes her forget things that have happened, then sometimes her mind is clear. Who knows what her mind will be on the day I decide to ask her. I think about Grandma being a nurse too and when Speck and I were trying to have a baby, when we went to a genetic councilor, why didn't she tell us the truth then. Mom was gone, there was no one to protect then. It is IRRESPONSIBLE of her not to have told me. Why does she want to take this secret to her grave too? My uncle has a disease that is causing his memory to slowly disappear too. Does he not remember?
I wonder if I will ever find anyone besides the person who told me who knows the truth, and can explain it to me? The person who told me just knew the facts, they could not explain the thoughts behind it.
I wonder if this will cause problems for my family in the future. Sometimes I would like to call Him and just get to know him for medical reasons. I don't want to be a part of his life, I don't want to bother his family. I just want to understand why this was kept from me till I was almost 40.
I think about it when I drive from family to family doing my job, I think about it when I stare into my daughter's eyes while I am rocking her and singing to her before bed, when I see my son sneeze 3 times--He got that from me, where did I get that from?
Granted my "dad" was always somewhat a mystery to me, but at least I had seen him, I had a face to put with the title. I found his family, I went to visit them, I took Speck to meet them before we were married. I had a "father's side" of the family. Sure he wasn't around, he blew in and blew out every 6-7 years, but it was tangible. Now there is nothing, a big dark room of shadows that are my real family. My blood kin. I did see him one time when I was about 3. I remember Mom and I going to His mom's house and there were all these people there (his brothers and sisters) and their kids. Am I relegated to having the hazy memories of a 3 year old for a whole side of my genealogy?
I have prayed about this quite a bit. I don't know what to do. I have the information, why don't I call. I know that my family knows, but do they remember? Why don't I just ask them to find out. Why do I worry about their feelings more than mine. After all, no one seemed to be taking any of my feelings into account for the nearly 40 years they have known. They don't seem to care if I know the truth or not. I still don't have any peace in my heart about this, about calling Him, about asking my family. What am I supposed to tell my children about my father when they ask? How am I going to explain that my family kept a secret from me for my whole life and didn't feel it necessary to tell me?
LORD, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)